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Tag-team Lex

Opening credits. Remy Zero have got to be sick of this song by now. Maybe they should trade Phantom Planet for "California."

"Can you hear me now?" guy. I'm here. I'm there! I'm everywhere! Fear me! Love me! Have my wireless babies, untethered by umbilical!

Smallville Medical Center. The wing named after me with one beep on the heart monitor for every scene here I've recapped. Chloe and Clark are allowed into Lex's exam room. Luckily, by now he's out of the stirrups. Clark asks how he is. Hot. "Clark. I'm fine," says Lex as he stands up. Then he stands up from the exam table. Lex asks how they knew he was there. Chloe says an EMT is a friend of hers; they told her there was an explosion at LuthorCorp. Couldn't Lex have his own non-public medical staff, considering how many times he gets kidnapped or beaten up? They'd certainly get more use than his front door guards. Lex tells Clark that they were conducting an experiment. "I'm guessing it didn't go well," Clark surmises, brilliantly. No, Clark, the intent was always to get Lex to the hospital. The orderlies here are gorgeous. Lex says it was worth the risk. "I'm sure it was," says Chloe, out of nowhere, "to LuthorCorp's bottom line." Didn't Lex save your life and your dad's life earlier this season? Shouldn't you be, oh, I don't know, grateful or something? Nice continuity there, Chloe. "To the world, Chloe," Lex says, without even getting annoyed. He offers to take Clark and Chloe to the lab to see what they've been working on. Ashes! Sweet, sweet ashes and debris! They will change the world. Lex says he thinks they'll like this one. He grabs his coat and exits. Chloe, still not loving the Lex, says she doesn't buy the story; she's going to talk to Dr. Sinclair to corroborate. Clark smiles. All right, alone time! "I'm gonna go to the lab with Lex," he says, grinning. Chloe tells Clark to be careful and reminds him that LuthorCorp experiments never end well. Clark looks positively exuberant. Chloe looks thoughtful.

Dr. Sinclair's room. The room is dark, but a bright shaft of light is burning a hole through the sheets and into his stomach. Lex, wearing a suit, walks in. "Wow. That looks like it hurts," he whispers as he hovers over Sinclair's bed. Sinclair, waking, asks what happened. Lex says he was hoping Sinclair could tell him that. Sinclair says there was an explosion. Lex asks if he noticed anything unusual after the accident. "Like what?" Sinclair asks. "Like seeing two of me," Lex says. Gay twins? Like Akbar and Jeff? Lex says he thinks the explosion caused a separation, some sort of "division on a molecular level." I hope the president isn't watching, because this would just blow his mind. ("Ya mean I could be in two places at once? Laura! Call them science fellas!") "I saw another Lex Luthor," Lex says gravely. Was he bald? Because Lex Luthor is bald. That's one way you can tell. Did he have an evil goatee? "My god," says Sinclair, totally buying into this theory without any proof. Lex asks if there's any way to reverse the process and "Force the two mes back together." Sinclair says his research notes are back in the lab. Charred. "If I had those," he begins, "I might be able to find a way to reverse the process." Lex says he's going to the lab to get the notes. He draws the blinds closed in the room. Uh oh. "In the meantime, why don't you get some rest?" he tells Sinclair. Blissfully stupid Sinclair nods and goes straight to sleepy-time. Lex inserts some major air bubbles into Sinclair's IV drip. Eeeeevil Lex! Hey, you know later on, when everything gets "resolved" at the end? Who gets charged with this guy's murder?

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