Smallville

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Tippi Blevins: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Uncle Sam Wants You... to Die!

Seriously, though. What a stupid, stupid way to shut that thing down. Isn't A.C. supposed to be a friend of the environment? He could have disabled it in some other way and then let the fishies and barnacles use the platform as an artificial reef! Blowing it up just makes tons of pollution! Then there's the fiery explosion itself turning the immediate area into a giant pot of vichyssoise. Dumb! DUMB! But I guess it wouldn't have looked as "cool" if they'd stopped to make out in front of a peaceful sunset. Nothing says romance like fiery doom.

Watchtower. I wonder who occupies the rest of the building? Maybe Oliver bought the whole thing. Dr. Hamilton drops a little red flap of something into a beaker full of orange liquid. It bubbles and fizzes. With the ultrasound scan of the Suicide Squad symbol on a nearby monitor, he explains how just a tiny bit of blue kryptonite was used -- enough to get through Clark's skin, not so much that it affected his powers. Whatever. Just chalk it up to magic or some crap. Clark is in the background, rubbing his own shoulder. Ew! That red flap was a flap of Clark! Hamilton also mentions Clark's secret meetings with Kara. "That's not exactly like you, Clark," he says. What, doing things off-screen? That's totally like him. Clark brushes aside Hamilton's concern. He keeps rubbing his shoulder. "You could have warned me this would sting a little," he whines. Big baby. Oliver shows up and tells Hamilton to give Clark a lollipop. Heh. Then he reminds them he's not supposed to come to Watchtower anymore, so what's the deal? Clark tells him about the tag removal. Oliver bemoans how difficult it is to stay out of the public eye. Debbie Downer Hamilton points out that the Vigilante Registration Act is just going to make things harder. "As much as I hate to admit it, Flag saw this whole thing coming," Oliver says. He grudgingly praises Flag for fighting against the VRA, but Clark's annoyed that Flag gets to stay hidden while the rest of them take the blame for the Squad's actions. "Oliver, the government thinks we're the ones retaliating," he says. Hamilton points out they're kinda right, given how A.C. just blew up that offshore oil rig. Oliver's not surprised, given A.C.'s tendency to "protect the Big Blue." By using stupid, stupid methods. Since the VRA, the team has stopped communicating with each other. God, this whole scene is just closeups back and forth as people talk. I'd ding Tom Welling's directing here, but there's really only so much you can do when the script is just a string of info dumps.

Anyway, Clark says A.C. is just feeding into people's fear about them. "We need to prove we're the good guys, not the terrorists," he says. Oliver doesn't see that happening, what with Godfrey turning people against them. He shows them a propaganda poster featuring a big, pointing hand in front of the American flag. "Come fight with the law, not against it!" it exhorts all who see it. Clark can see the other side's point: "We came in and took the law into our own hands," he says. "People need to believe in this country, and the systems that have been here for centuries." Oliver sarcastically tells him to sign up with the VRA. Clark gives it some serious thought. "Maybe it's time," he says. Damn, that was one effective poster! He thinks having the Blur sign up would prove that they're all on the same side. Oliver and Hamilton both look at him like he's nuts, but Clark is suddenly determined to carry through with this half-baked idea. Oliver volunteers to sign up instead, so that Clark doesn't have to reveal his identity when Oliver's already revealed his own. "You go rein in Flipper," Oliver says. "I'll go see if I can find what they have planned for us when we sign our lives over to good old Uncle Sam." Clark stares in mild confusion. He might be wondering how he's going to put reins on a dolphin.

Daily Planet. Lois shows up to start her workday and finds a box of chocolates waiting on her desk. "I miss you, too, Clark," she sighs. She hears from a radio on her desk that a "mysterious patriot" has decided to sign up for the VRA. She looks worried. "Psst, Lois!" a voice whispers from the doorway. She turns and finds Oliver, wearing a crap disguise of a baseball cap and sunglasses. For some reason, she makes a vampire joke. He explains that he had to go through a lot of trouble to get there (including using a body double, who I'd love to see someday) and asks if she's covering the vigilante signing. Of course she is! She rails about how stupid this mystery hero must be and Oliver's like, well, it's me! I'm the stupid one! She drags him off to a quiet corner of the office. "Are you out of your mind?" she asks. "The VRA is a steaming pile of Spanish Inquisition, served up with a side of fear and loathing!" But it comes with your choice of free toppings! Sadly, the toppings contain potassium benzoate. Oliver points out that they need to find out what happens to those who register. Besides which, he stepped in when Clark was the first one to volunteer. Lois is stunned, since Clark didn't even mention it to her. Oliver tries to calm her down, but she's not having it. "Here I thought Clark and I were finally driving on the honest relationship road, and then bam! Blindsided!" She keeps complaining about Clark's lack of disclosure. Instead of reminding her that they kind of have more important issues than her relationship right now, Oliver tries to assure her that Clark didn't purposely leave her out. That just upsets Lois more. "It slips his mind to mention something this big to me but he'll discuss it with you?" Oliver looks away. His silent guilt makes Lois realize Clark has talked about it with others, too. Oliver again tries to make her feel better. Clark is protective! You're important! She has tears in her eyes.

Aquarium of the Atlantic, Miami. A.C.'s hanging out poolside with some white-sided dolphins when Clark shows up. He wants to talk, but A.C. declines: "I've got greater responsibilities now." "Blowing up oil rigs?" Clark asks. "Is that responsible?" In his defense, A.C. says he didn't hurt anyone. You know, except the ocean that he's supposed to love. Clark accuses him of working with someone, so A.C. accuses him of not trusting him. The verbal slap-fight thus won, he turns his back on Clark. "You're not going anywhere," Clark says. Suddenly a wall of water pushes him into the pool. Oh, no! He'll be molested by bi-curious dolphins! Clark surfaces and sees the auburn-haired lass joining A.C.'s side. "Oh, and if you thought I was working solo," A.C. starts. She finishes: "You haven't met his wife." Clark fumes in the water over how dumb that dialog was. He didn't think you were working solo. That's why he accused you of working with someone! He's going to take the commercial break to figure out if A.C. hit his head on a coral reef. Repeatedly.

Fort Ryan. Lois waits in Slade's office, eying his board o' heroes with concern. Why would he leave that out in the open? Also, why is his office so dark? Maybe they spent all their budget promoting the VRA and didn't have any money left for light bulbs. "Paints a pretty scary picture, doesn't it?" Slade asks as he enters the room. Lois says it gives her a new perspective, and starts to introduce herself, but Slade already knows who she is. He gave her clearance because she's Sam Lane's daughter. They speak warmly of the General for a bit, then Lois presents Slade with gifts of bourbon and his favorite Cuban cigars. Having thus plied him with fodder for his vices, she turns on her voice recorder and asks him about the VRA. What happens when someone signs up? "They'll simply sign a declaration of intent to act only at the government's behest," Slade says. "United we stand, right, Miss Lane?" She just smiles while Slade goes on about the vigilantes and the people who support them. Lois, for some reason, turns off the recorder. She tries to play the military brat angle to convince Slade she'll give him fair coverage, but he knows about her pro-Blur articles. He says she's not playing on the right team

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