Smallville
Perry

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Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
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Perry White Is All Right

Sky shot. The sun looks very, very hot. Clark is superrunning down a back road. He moves like one of the zombies from 28 Days Later.... A beige sedan weaves into the street. It's McKean, and he's slurring into a cell phone and trying to read a map at the same time. He tells the phone he hasn't been drinking. The phone can smell it on his breath. McKean is paying attention to everything but the road in front of him. He tries to fold the map as Clark continues his mad dash for distance. Clark suddenly notices something and stops, and it doesn't seem entirely voluntary. His timing's a little off because he ends up right in front of the beige car. (My first car was beige; let's not judge.) McKean weaves and smashes right into a power-line pole. The car horn honks. The power line falls in a blast of sparks, crushing the car. McKean's not looking too good inside. Clark stands amid sparks and crazy electricity, and then superspeeds over to rip the door off the car. Was that really necessary? McKean's mouth hangs open. "Gawwww!" he says silently. Clark carries him and superspeeds a bit of a distance away. In McKean's point of view, we see Clark all blurry. Clark asks if he's all right. "Yew pulled da door right offa car with yer bare hanns!" McKean slurs. Clark also walked through power lines, he notices. Clark tries to play it off by saying the guy's a little drunk. "Mr...?" Clark begins. "White. Perry White," the mysterious McKean says. We hear a whooshing sound for no reason. That's the sound of me falling in love with this character.

I have a feeling we're going to be seeing a lot of this LeBron James guy and a lot of those Looney Toons in the next month. Don't think somebody's not writing Space Jam 2 right this very second.

Kent Farm. Home of farmboys, romantic cows, and no crops that I've ever seen. Clark is using his powers to drive fence posts into the ground. He does this all the time, but the fence is never done. Why must you always build fences, Clark? Why? Let your fences hang open! Boom. Fence post. Boom. Fence post. Clark rams a post into the ground and it goes almost all the way down, with just a nub sticking out. Bo comes over to whip his son (it doesn't hurt him, but it helps Bo think), but Clark just says he misjudged his own strength. Bo says that Clark's "friend" Perry White checked himself out of the hospital late the night before. Clark says that Perry's "breathalyzer was off the chart." Bo asks what Perry might have seen. Who knows the horrors that Perry has seen? Clark says that Perry doesn't even remember his name. Just then, Perry pulls up. Never underestimate the memory of a professional drunk. Perry yells, "Clark Kent!" as he hops off the back of the truck he hitched a ride on. The truck has buckets and gas cans just sitting loose in the back. I think somebody in the props department went a little nutty at the dollar store.

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Smallville

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