Episode Report Card
Omar G: C+ | 1 USERS: B-
Stone Face/Off

Bizarro has had enough of this shit. He grabs NotSoFine and threatens to finish the "Killing Brainiac" job Clark started if he doesn't get some help. NotSoFine says that he's in no condition to help, but adds that there is someone who can. Bizarro lightens up and lets him go. NotSoFine says that there's a Kryptonian named "Dax-Ur" (Dax, Ur what?), who came to Earth years ago and decided to stay. They have good cupcakes here. NotSoFine says that Dax-Ur is one of the Krypton's greatest scientists and can fix him. He says that Bizarro can find him by teleporting using a small Kryptonian crest that Dax-Ur lost. Bizarro asks if NotSoFine is lying to him. Instead of saying he's not capable of lying, NotSoFine says that it would be like lying to a mollusk: no point. Then I guess I can stop telling my mollusk friend Rodney that the only reason people don't like him is that he won't come out of his shell. Sorry, Rodney. You're just kind of an asshole. Bizarro laughs. Unlike Clark, he actually understands humor like that. He says that if NotSoFine is leading him wrong, he'll come back and shove him in his test tube. Bizarro whooshes out while NotSoFine stands there looking creepy.

Commercials. I've gone totally New Braunfels native: an ad for Olive Garden now makes me hungry, not nauseated.

Daily Planet. A blonde who could almost be Chloe from behind is carrying a small box upstairs. Bizarro Clark comes downstairs and sees the real Chloe, clad in a puffy, shiny green top. He notices that there've been layoffs at the paper. Chloe blames it on their new commander-in-chief, Lex. She bitterly says that Lex is only keeping around those who can be easily controlled. Like Chloe and Lois? Bizarro says that he needs Chloe to help him find a Kryptonian scientist. Chloe seems a bit annoyed by the request and snarks about all the Kryptonians on Earth. She wonders if Earth was their top tourist destination. Chloe says that she has her hands full with work (good thing she doesn't have to go to school anymore, apparently) and that Kryptonians are pretty high-maintenance. Bizarro is hoping Chloe might help him to dig through the paper's archives to see when somebody might have found the tracking device. Chloe says that Lex just launched a torpedo through the hull of the paper and that she's barely hanging on in the lifeboat; she asks if this can wait. Bizarro says that this will only take a second. He says he needs to find the shield. "Shield? Don't you already have one of those?" Chloe asks. Bizarro is like, "I do? I mean...I do! Yes! Of course! Why, I think I left it in my other pants! The ones I am not wearing right now! The ones with the crest-shaped pocket! How could I forget? My pants, I mean!" Chloe has to remind him about the gawdawful beauty pageant the rest of us are trying hard to forget. Chloe stares hard at Bizarro. She tells him to take a breather, and says she'll call him back. Bizarro grabs Chloe's arm roughly and demands, "Where is it, Chloe?" Chloe is shocked. Bizarro tries to play it off: he says that he really needs to find it, and was hoping Chloe could jog his memory. Chloe reminds him that he doesn't forget anything; she says his mind is like a titanium trap. Oh! Right! The trap! It's uh...right here! In my head! Wrapped in titanium! I didn't forget! I just put the memory in those other pants that I was just not telling you the story about! Silly me! Bizarro ignores Chloe's remark and asks if she knows where he can find the shield or not. Chloe quietly says that she can't help him, and eyes Bizarro with suspicion.

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