Episode Report Card
Omar G: C+ | 1 USERS: B-
Stone Face/Off

Bizarro shows up, noting that Chloe looks tense and asks whether she heard about the move. He says that after he and Lana tie up a few loose ends, they're leaving Smallville. "Wow," says Chloe. Awkward! She decides to leave. Lana, looking a bit hurt, tells Bizarro what Chloe told her. Bizarro says that he didn't forget the shield; he just can't find it anywhere. He thinks Kara might have taken it. Lana wonders if maybe she took it to the Fortress. "Right. The Fortress," Bizarro plays off. You know what? The Fortress is where I left my pants! I just now remembered! My other pants!

The Fortress of Lost Pantsitude. Bizarro is flying there. Inside, he wanders around. He calls for Jarnelle. He says he's looking for something. "Leave here at once, phantom!" Jarnelle calls. Bizarro's not scared. He thinks Jarnelle is just a ghost from the past. He asks if Jarnelle is just gonna lecture him to death. Jarnelle starts making the Fortress shake and crumble, and says that Bizarro is not welcome here. Bizarro says that he'll find it sooner or later. He flies out. Yeah, that was a thorough search. We spin around and see the real Clark encased in the Ice Floe of Time-Out. Jarnelle says that Clark must defeat Bizarro. He cracks the ice and thaws Clark out. Worst. Parent. Ever.

Commercials. The movie Jumper. It feels like too much energy to try to figure out what it's about. Is it clothing-related? Maybe I'll catch it on cable.

Kynt Farm. Clark (the real one this time) whooshes into the kitchen, calling for Lana. Psst. Clark. She's fucking Matt Damon! Or Bizarro Clark. One of those two. Maybe both. Clark sees pots on the stove. Vegetables on the table. Just what in the fuck is going on here! What kind of perverted squash-and-carrots shit is going on!? Nooooo! Clark spins around. He sees a nice table setting on the dinner table. Lana finally appears, holding a wine glass. Clark is glad she's all right. Of course she's all right. She was fucking Bizarro Clark! Clark tells Lana that he's been gone for weeks. Lana tells Clark to "check the clock," reminding him that he just left to go get the shield. Clark says that wasn't him; it was a phantom. Uh. Oh. He says that the phantom looks just like him. But is much, much cooler. Clark says that Jarnelle trapped him in the Fortress, and then released him to fight the phantom. Nice job there, Jarnelle. Spot-on. Lana can't believe it. She says she was sure it was Clark. He shakes his head sadly. Lana says that Chloe thinks Clark's memory might be bad. She asks him to remember when they were in bed and he promised to fly her to Paris. Yeah. That sounds like the other guy. The one who can fly. He probably also has a nicer car and an apartment with a waterbed. HATE that guy! Lana says that they were going to leave Smallville together. "It wasn't me, Lana," says Clark. Lana finally starts to let it sink in. Like she did with Bizarro Clark. "Oh God," she says. That's also what she said with Bizarro Clark. Clark says he's sorry and that this is all his fault. This would be a lot more compelling if we hadn't already seen it played out in Face/Off. The camera spins around and goes bright and we see Bizarro Clark using his superhearing to eavesdrop. He hears Clark tell Lana that he has to get her out of there.

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