Smallville

Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Not Based on the Novel by Jane Austen

Sunny Kent Farm. Lois has recovered nicely from the Great Mascara Massacre of 2010 and is currently on the phone with Martha, the Senator who never visits her own hometown. Martha has apparently given Lois permission to wear her old wedding dress, which is a good thing because Lois has already dug it out of her closet and put it on. Lois thanks her and tearfully calls her "Mom." She then proceeds to dance around all over the house, pausing only long enough to call her sister and then her father with the good news. Dance, dance, dance, goes Lois. "Boom, boom, boom," goes the music.

Construction site, night. Two men in hardhats hand Zod a set of plans before wandering off into the night. Clark is standing nearby in his Emo Blur outfit. He's not even trying to hide anymore. "We need to talk," Clark says. Zod starts walking away from him. He's pissy because Clark's been trying to isolate his people from him. "You lost your right to lead when you killed my father," Clark says. That gets Zod to stop. He turns to face Clark, and says, voice thick with emotion and possibly marbles: "He was a brother to me. We had our differences, but I could never take his life." Clark tosses Jor-El's tags to Zod. There's a shrill trumpet blast that I think is supposed to sound tense but, in actually, sounds like an elephant. This show uses those a lot, and they never fail to make me laugh. Clark advances on Zod. "I want you to tell me the truth," he says. "Did you kill Jor-El?" Seriously? You're using your one act of persuasion on him for that? You could have said, "I want you to be nice!" And then Zod would stop building the towers and tell you who killed your dad. Think bigger, you clod! Zod's eyes sizzle with a rainbow of colors. "I didn't kill him," he says quietly. "But I know who did: Tess Mercer." Clark blinks. "How is that possible?" Well, she's kind of evil, that's how. For some reason, Clark seems to be struggling with this knowledge, despite the fact that he's seen Tess do some really awful shit before. Zod convinces him by pointing out Tess had her own agenda and knew where Jor-El was being held. Zod encourages him to go after Tess, but Clark refuses to kill her. How about you just put her in jail for any number of bad things she's done? "It's the Kryptonian way," Zod says. "You must avenge him." Clark refuses again, but after a moment of hesitation. Zod chuckles. He recalls how he tortured Jor-El, but Jor-El still wouldn't give up the son he'd never even met. That gets Clark angry enough to grab Zod by the lapels. Zod keeps needling him: "He died protecting you, and you won't even defend his honor." Clark gets all up in his face. "You think sometimes I don't want to be a killer like you?" Suddenly, Clark staggers back. His eyes glow and he takes a slow, shuddering breath. Oh, my God. The moron done hypnotized himself. Hah! Haha! Oh, that's priceless. I'm going to need the commercial break to recover.

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Smallville

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