Episode Report Card
Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
Don't You Wanta Phantom?

Inside, Original Recipe Clark is still getting his ass handed to him. Extra Crispy eyes a button that probably does something very terrible to the dam. Original Recipe comes up behind him, turns him, and punches him in the face. Crispy flight! His body knocks a giant pipe open, sending water flooding into the place. Outside, the whole dam buckles.

We cut to Lois in the hallway. Water is spraying there, too. She tries to grab Chloe's body.

Papa Luthor is in a nearby collapsing tunnel. He sees Extra Crispy Clark fall and land in front of him. "Clark, son, what is it?" he asks. "That's not me!" Original Recipe calls out. Clark says it's the phantom. Crispy stands. He asks how Papa Luthor likes his new look. Fetching, actually. Crispy smiles. Papa grabs the Kryptonite and quickly jams it into Crispy's chest. Crispy screams. Then he gets excited. "Thanks! That's just what I needed," he says, wildly. He tosses Papa Luthor aside. Papa Luthor is pinned under some rubble. Original and Crispy face off. Original Recipe Clark asks who he is. He's the phantom! You just said that! "I'm you. Only a little more bizarre," Extra Crispy answers. Oh. Fucking. Clunk. The two exchange smoldering looks. They run in blurry slow motion at each other. They collide. Original Recipe Clark is knocked out of the dam, looking scared as he tumbles through the air. Another hole opens up. Extra Crispy Black Clark flies out of it, flying through the air with the greatest of ease. He sails toward the camera, smiling evilly. His face turns silver and is segmented into parts. Freaky! We cut to black, and "TO BE CONTINUED."

So, that's it. Not quite Season 5, was it? Well, we weathered the storm through character assassination, weird one-off experiments, and lugubrious plot developments that were then tied up a little too quickly. Let's hope next year is the final, blowout, crazy-ass season we all know it could be.

And one more little cliffhanger for the summer. In case you haven't heard, by the next time I recap this show, I should be a papa myself. I assure you, the pregnancy isn't being faked with massive doses of hormones. Wish me luck! I'll see you in September.

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