Episode Report Card
Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
Don't You Wanta Phantom?

Lair of Lex. Someone on a speakerphone is telling Lex that the subject is en route and fully anesthetized. Like the audience. Clark tells Number One that he'll meet him at the base. Lex collects his jacket and prepares to leave. But there's someone at the door. Someone not in love. Lana, wearing all black, says, "Lex, we have to talk." Or rather, I need to talk. You just need to stand there and let your heart get broken; stand still. Lex says they most certainly do, but it'll have to wait until he's back later. "I won't be," Lana says. Lana says she can't live like this anymore. Lex says he can't blame her for not wanting to be in a lie of a marriage she never wanted. He says it must take a toll after a while. Angrily, Lana says, "You're the expert." She brings up the nursery and heirloom crib, the tears of joy in his eyes when he saw the ultrasound. "What kind of toll does that take, Lex?" she asks. A lot of quarters? He asks what in God's name she's talking about. What in Salty Satan's Sweet 'N Low are you on about, you crazy tree rodent!? Lana says it was a massive amount of hormones he injected into her body to make her believe she was pregnant. "What kind of monster are you?" she asks. The bad-ass kind that they make a Todd McFarlane toy out of, maybe? That would be cool.

Lex says he doesn't know where she's getting her information (could this be explained once and for all? Please? What really happened?), but that it's nothing but slander. He tries to touch her, but she slaps his hand away. She tells him it's too late to lie. "This marriage is over," she says. She walks away. Talking to her back, Lex says he's far from perfect, but that she can't deny what they had between them. Lana spins. "Lex, all there are between us are lies on top of lies!" It's Lie Lunchables! The third layer is ham thecrets. Lex says that everything he's ever done has been because he loves Lana. Even before you met her? With a faint wry smile on her face, she tells him he's not capable of love. All right, that one hurt. Ouch. "You never were," she says. Lex, trying to collect himself, walks toward the door. He closes it. Slowly. "It's Clark, isn't it? You never could get over him." Lex says Clark has been the greatest liar of them all. His left eye twitches. "Clark means more to me than you ever will," she spits. Really, that was unnecessary. Lex smacks her hard with the back of his left hand, across the face. She touches her bloody lip. "Lana!" Lex says, suddenly remorseful. "That's the last time you'll ever touch me," she tells him. Lex grabs her waist as she tries to go. No, this might be the last time. He asks if she really thinks he'll just let her walk away. Lana asks what he wants to do. "Kill me?" she asks. She says it's the only way he's going to keep her in this mansion. She walks out. The camera pulls back. Lex stands, alone. Yep, this is one shitty day.

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