Smallville
Phantom

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
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Don't You Wanta Phantom?

Commercials. Bye, Veronica Mars. I'll be catching up on all my DVR'd Season Three episodes this summer.

Very nice new late-night flyover of Metropolis, focused on the LuthorCorp building. Why is there a big video billboard in the background that looks like a giant iPhone? Everyone is in Papa Luthor's office. He's like, "Dude, dude, I know! I've been a dick!" Papa says it was the only way. Clark thinks none of this makes any sense. My friend, welcome to Season 6! John Glover, as is his wont, changes the pronunciation of "possessed" to suit his acting needs. He says that Lex was possessed by Zod, then he was possessed by all of Jor-El's knowledge. He says he started writing the Kryptonian symbol for "Power." It looks like a plug going into an outlet. Manhunter says it was a beacon, the same one Jor-El (I'm officially retiring "Jarnelle" for the sake of clarity) used to summon him. Clark is surprised that MM knew his father. Martian Manhunter says he worked for Jor-El, bringing criminals to justice. He was the interstellar Dog the Bounty Hunter. Manhunter says that he was asked to keep an eye on Clark. Hey, remember all those times when Clark was seconds from dying? Nice bodyguarding there, Martian Manhunter.

"Where have you been all these years?" Clark asks. Eh, drunk. Eating Oreos off a stripper's ass. Illegally reading DVDs with my eye lasers. Manhunter says he's been watching from a distance. A really long, unhelpful distance. Papa Luthor says that Clark's father wanted him to pass the test without help. Hey, dude -- look after my son, but don't do anything! If he's about to die, just let it happen! Please, you gotta do this for me. It's important! Apparently, this jackass wasn't supposed to do anything unless Clark's life was at stake, which according to the show now, never happened before Season 6. Apparently, unleashing the phantoms was what did it. Clark brings up the phantom that infected his mind. The camera rotates around the conversation to try to make it more interesting and less wrong. MM says he's lost a step since then. "What happened?" Clark asks. "Nothing," he says. Then why the fuck did you just bring it up? I thought you were cool, but now I'm starting to think you're just incompetent. Clark notices a bloodstain on Manhunter's shirt. He pulls the jacket aside. There's a giant gaping hole in the guy's belly. You call that nothing? By that did you mean an absence of torso? Manhunter says he had a run-in with the last phantom. Yeah, you should see the other guy. He's...completely unscathed, actually. Damn. I really need to think before I speak. Manhunter says he has to leave Earth's atmosphere in order to heal. Clark says he'll go after the phantom. He has the crystal that Raya gave him. Manhunter says he doubts the crystal will work. Papa says it's not an ordinary phantom. It's the product of a Kryptonian lab experiment. They messed up the secret herbs and turned him from mean to Super Mean. The phantom is running through humans looking for the one thing that can sustain it -- a Kryptonian body. Clark thinks, "Gee, do you know where we could get one of those? Oh. Shit." "Where's the phantom?" Clark asks. In your pants. Lurking. Manhunter warns Clark about being killed. Clark says people are being killed every day. If somebody's going to stop this thing, it's going to be him.

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Smallville

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