Phoenix (2)

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
Return Of The Bad-Ass

Well, damn. Two good episodes in a row. Who expected that?

Previously on read the recaps.

We begin where we left off, with Bo Duke and Clark going to a father-son mid-air potato sack race, minus the potato sack. The two grapple in the air as glass falls with them. They fall and they fall while a pane of glass needlessly spins in CGI right behind them. They crash right through a dome light and into a metal building that could be the foundry from the infamous Clark's-ass-of-fire scene of last season. Sparks fly. Bo and Clark grapple like it's their back yard and they're trying to make a homemade wrestling tape. Bo pushes Clark against a column, but the column collapses and bonks Bo right on the head. Remember, Bo: With great power comes great stupidity. Bo keeps grabbing Clark by his coat, which I imagine would have been ripped to shreds unless it, too, is infused with magical space powers. Or if it's Members Only. Clark -- pinned to some metal by his adopted dad -- notes that Bo's been working out. "Jor-El and I have an understanding," Bo says. "I'm taking you home." That's either a very mob-sounding line, or a very creepy "One Night in Bangkok"-sounding line. Clark says he's nobody's bitch, and as Bo tries to grab the ring from Clark's finger, Clark pushes him across the room. Bo hits some pipes and steam rushes out. Clark -- who now appears to be wearing a zombie jacket from the "Thriller" video (now it's ripped?) -- watches as Bo emerges through the steam. With his bulky coat, he's now Bo: Beyond Thunderdome. He calls after his evil gay son. Clark responds by taking off the coat. Bo says Clark doesn't realize how dangerous he is when he's wearing the ring. "It's not the ring!" Clark says emphatically. Exactly. It's actually the tape that kills you seven days after you watch it. Clark says he was born this way. Don't hate him because he's beautiful.

Clark rushes at Bo. Bo, in slow motion, gets Clark into some sort of back-assed one-eighth-Nelson and spins him around. It would be cool if this conveyed Bo using his old football skills to propel Clark using his own momentum, but instead it looks like he's taking clumsy quarter steps to turn Clark around, lift him by his pants (mighty pants!), and wedgie Clark across the room. Clark crashes into some scaffolding and a bunch of sacks of "Target" -- whatever product that may be -- land on him. Bo goes to inspect the damage his wedgie hath wrought. Clark gets up. The back of his shirt is ripped. Clark does a Hulk Hogan and rips the rest of it off. Considering he's got superpowers, ripping off a shirt just don't impress me much. Clark turns and puffs out his scarred chest. Close-up on the "8." Bo is horrified. Choking back tears, he asks what Jor-El did to him. "He made sure I'd never forget who my real father is," Clark barks. Intensity! Clark grabs a skinny pipe and pitches it at Bo, who ducks. Clark disappears. The camera spins around Bo and then Clark enters the frame, grabbing Bo from behind. He backs Bo up against a wall. Clark raises his fist, the one with the ring. Bo tells him to do it. Go on. Beat up yer old man, you little shit. Think you could survive the Nazis? Huh? ANSWER ME! Oh wait, wrong dad. Bo says if he could raise a son who could kill, then Clark should kill. I guess that death-wish platitude works in a poetic-justice kind of way. Clark growls and punches. He hits the wall and the ring shatters. Stuff likes to shatter in Smallville. Nothing just breaks. "Did your computer crash?" "No, it blew the fuck up into a million pieces. Stupid Windows." Clark backs away. Bo's body flashes with white light, and he faints dead away like a debutante at a frat party. Clark falls to his knees, balls up his fists, clenches his chest and arm muscles, and goes, "YEAAAARRRGGGGH!" He's doing The Wrath of Kahn! The scar on Clark's chest glows, and then starts to fade away as Clark screams. Clark falls, now purty-chested again. "Dad? Dad?" Clark says as he goes to Bo. They exchange names. Good Clark is back. The credits roll.

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