Phoenix (2)

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
Return Of The Bad-Ass

We come back to Lex, who says he prefers Dropkick's version of events. "Lex, you're scaring me," she says. Lex counters that the area where they crashed was unreachable with the amount of gas they had in the plane. Lex says he checked the charts, and she touched down in St. Croix at 7:59 that night. Lex has suddenly turned into Angela Lansbury, but cuter. Dropkick drops the façade and asks what the most twisted part of this whole thing is. She answers her own question: she says the reason Lex didn't get a bullet in his head that day was because she really did fall in love with him. Huh? I mean, WHAT? Why not not kill him at all and still be the richest wife in the world? Logic, thy name is not Smallville. Whatever. She pulls a gun out of her purse and says she learns from her mistakes. Lex somehow didn't see that coming. A tear rolls down Dropkick's cheek. "Go ahead," Lex says. "I've become quite adept at cheating death." He moves forward toward the gun. She doesn't shoot. Dropkick backs away. Lex says he has no doubt he'll rise from the ashes again. Ooh, nice indirect episode title shout-out. Lex grabs at the gun, and the two of them struggle. The gun goes off. We cut to the cabin, where the pilot just got a bullet in the heart. Of course. Lex grabs the gun off the ground. A pillow falls on Dropkick. Lex goes to the cockpit (I love writing that line) and gets in the co-pilot chair. He pulls the plane back up. Lex turns back and Dropkick is gone. A cabin door is open. We didn't see her grab a parachute. After all this drama, we need a commercial.

Back in Docksville, Metropolis, Clark -- in the back of the moving truck -- manages to kick a cardboard box hard enough to knock it over. A picture frame shatters. Clark grabs a piece of glass and cuts the duct tape holding his hands together. Outside on the dock, Papa Luthor and The Edge watch as the vehicle arrives. Inside the truck, Clark takes the tape off his chest (luckily, he's got no chest hair) and tosses away the Kryptonite. As they wait, Papa Luthor says that he hates mysteries. Edge says he'll like this one. The truck stops. Papa Luthor and Puffy Thug approach. Clark spots a propane tank and uses his Eyejaculate vision. The tank blows up. Outside, Papa Luthor and Puffy Thug go flying. Between the two of them, there should at least be a three-alarm hair fire. An assistant helps get Papa Luthor up as he yells, "You set me up!" to a flummoxed The Edge, who yells that he doesn't know what happened. Papa Luthor doesn't believe him. Everybody pulls out guns. It's a Canadian Standoff. ["It's like a Mexican standoff, but with bacon." -- Wing Chun] Puffy Thug gets shot. Good. I never liked him. The Edge gets shot. He falls into the drink. Papa Luthor is ushered away and into his town car, all the while trying to figure out what happened to The Edge. We focus on the area where Edge fell into the water. Instead, Clark emerges, his shirt in tatters. Clark must have a really good bulk flannel supplier.

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