Phoenix (2)

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
Return Of The Bad-Ass

Oh, hey, Pete's still on the show? Good to know.

In videogame and commercials news, Viewtiful Joe does kick much ass.

We come back to MamaKent staring silently at the photo of herself, Bo, and Clark. Since she stopped working for Papa Luthor, we're led to believe she no longer has outside interests or even a personality. Oh, and she lost the baby. Then she stares at the silent phone. That's her other new hobby. Right about that time, the Kent boys straggled in through the front door, arm in arm, as if they were Irish and this was pissed o'clock. Heartwarming music plays. Bo signals that it's all right for Clark to go and get babied by his momma. He does. MamaKent cries with delight. Clark apologizes, especially for the baby. She says she never blamed him. No, that was Bo. Bo gets jealous of all the attention Clark is getting and collapses. Conveniently, he collapses right on the couch. MamaKent goes to Bo and asks what happened. Clark says that whatever Jor-El did to Bo, it must have been too much for his body to handle. Plus when you factor in that tab of Ecstasy and dancing for four hours to New Order...oh, wait, that was a different adventure. Bo says what's important is that Clark is back. Because nobody wanted to watch Petesville.

More heartwarming music leading to the heartwarming title card "Special Guest Star RUTGER HAUER." Awwww. That is kind of sweet. We hit the Metropolis skyline, which looks nothing at night like it did during the day. The camera comes around to reveal Papa Luthor, looking out at the night next to a police tape strip. Wuh? Papa Luthor is rubbing his nose and looks like he may be crying. A voice says that Abraham threw his son on the pyre to prove his faith in God. "What was your excuse?" Lex says, as he emerges from the shadows of the huge balcony. He's wearing Eminem's hoodie from 8 Mile. I want to do a whole extended 8 Mile rap sequence here about Lex, but the joke's been done, done, done. "Lex!" Papa Luthor says with what seems like genuine surprise. "Son!" Papa Luthor walks over to do some sort of evil hug, but he gets stopped when Lex whips out a pistol on him. Lex asks if Papa Luthor is disappointed that Lex isn't basking in the fires of Hell. Papa Luthor shakily tells him to put the gun down. He asks why he would murder his own flesh and blood. Lex hesitates. Papa Luthor says that Lex isn't himself. Au contraire, mon bastarde. Lex is his real sexy bad-ass self. Lex raises his voice: "What the hell did you do with [Dr. Dropkick]?" Papa gets back his slick voice and says she's living comfortably in Lex's mansion; why not ask her? Why didn't Lex go home first? Lex -- who is still scarred up about the face -- says, "She's alive?" in surprise. Lex, you gotta do some research before you go capping people. Didn't you see Darkman? Papa Luthor says that Dr. Dropkick has been telling some very interesting stories about what happened.

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