Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | 2 USERS: C-
A Pilot Doesn't Have to Fly

A shot of the city square. A sign hangs reading, "Let's go Crows!" Every car in town looks like it's fifty years old, even though it's only 1989. What, they didn't have any Honda Civics in Kansas in 1989?

In space, all the asteroids and the space pod have caught fire as they hurtle to Earth. It's just like the scene with Bo Duke in the truck: Everything is flaming.

In a corn field, on a post, a black crow sits next to a corn field. I laugh because it caws and my Closed Captioning reads "[Caws]." Heh. That's funny. The crow flies somewhere after a sod of dirt is thrown at it by Young Red-Haired Lex. Lex turns as he's called by Magnate Luthor. Big Daddy Luthor looks like he's signing some sort of shady deal with some shady construction workers in broad daylight. It's hard work being that shady in the middle of the day. Redheaded Step-Lex walks down a row of corn. In his little suit, he looks creepy, like one of the Children of the Corn. He's Malachai Luthor. We hear a male voice: "Help me." Lex turns, all, "Huh?" "Help me, please," the voice says again. Lex turns amid the corn and sees only a skinny scarecrow. He turns and runs as scary music plays. Run, run, run, Lex! He trips over a rock just as he's about to use his asthma inhaler, and it falls away from him. He picks himself up, panting, and collects the inhaler from the dark soil. He backs himself up to a wooden post, not looking up at all, which is so unnatural for a kid, but so what. We'll forgive the writers since the show just started. "Kid," a voice says, the same one that we heard before. Lex looks up and as the Orchestral Music of Crucifixion plays, we pan up to a poor skinny guy in his boxer shorts, tied up on a cross with an "S" spray-painted on his chest. "Help me," he says. He's skinny and gaunt and looks like the guy from the Aaron Burr "Got Milk?" commercial. "Help me, please." Lex looks up in horror and, just then, a flaming meteorite passes through the sky above Scarecrow Boy's head. It trails a black plume of smoke.

Next, we're seeing an asteroid view of the cornfield. A meteorite plows into the field, making a flat fireball and shaking everything up. Lex gets to his feet, mouth wide. The wind has picked up. A large black cloud barrels through the corn, toward Lex. He runs the other way. Scarecrow Boy is left behind, and is soon smacked up by the black cloud. Lex runs toward the camera and makes a silver screen leap toward us, yelling, "Ahhh!" as the cloud overtakes him.

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