Smallville
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | 3 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
A Pilot Doesn't Have to Fly

Music of Young Beauty. Clark spots Lana Lang, a comely young lass who is so pretty, she almost falls over the edge into ugly. Clark's eyes get that faraway look (it's even more faraway when you're from Krypton) and he tells Sneaky Pete and Chloe that he'll see them in class. Chloe and Pete bet on how many seconds it'll be before Clark makes a super ass of himself. This may be the first high school in dire need of a Gamblers Anonymous chapter. Clark starts walking toward Lana and as Pete counts, Clark falls flat on his front. Chloe, the little snipe, points out that Clark can't get within five feet of Lana without turning into "a total freak show."

Clark looks up at the lovely/ugly that is Lana, and we see that she's wearing a necklace with a glowy green gemstone. She picks up one of the books he dropped. "Nietzsche. Didn't realize you had a dark side, Clark," Lana says, in her honey voice. "Doesn't everybody?" Clark says. "So what are you, man or superman?" she asks him. Remember those crackers I offered for the cheese? I think we're going to need bigger crackers. "I haven't figured it out yet," Clark says. Just then, Lana's big, dumb, jock boyfriend walks up and plants a kiss on her. (We have no way of knowing if he's dumb or a jock, but he's wearing a letter jacket and kissing the girl our protagonist likes. Wanna place a bet on this assumption?) "Hey, Clark," he says absently. Jocko McLetterman asks Lana to check over his English paper because he's not too sure about the ending. Clark bends over like he's gonna throw up, but not from the kryptonite. "Dude," Jocko says, "Are you feeling all right?" Clark says he's fine. Jocko and Lana walk off, but not before Jocko throws Clark a book, causing Clark to spill all his stuff everywhere. Poor Clark. So hunky. So geeky.

Inside the school, some Creepy Guy -- who looks just like the Scarecrow Boy from the opening -- is standing in front of a trophy case. He broods. Then he slams his fist through the glass. He pulls out a framed photo of three football players. "It's payback time," he hisses. Good, because you owe us money for that cliché. The person we now know is Scarecrow Boy walks down the hall and gives a sideways sneaky look before walking on.

A sleek gray Porsche drives down the street past a slab of sign rock that reads, "Luthor Corp. Fertilizer Plant No. 3." The Closed Captioning says the lyrics of U2's "Beautiful Day" are supposed to be playing, but instead we've got broody orchestral music. Oops. A very smart-looking young bald dude gets out of the Porsche, looks around, and says to no one in particular, "Thanks, Dad." We pan down to the car to reveal a license plate that says "LEX" under the name of the city the license was registered: Metropolis.

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Smallville

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