Smallville

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Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
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Bus-ted!

Tinkly music plays as we fly over The Daily Planet, that once-great bastion of journalistic excellence. Now, they just hire any damn fool. Speaking of which, we cut to the staircase, where one Clark Kent, Unqualified Farmboy, is walking down hesitantly. He pauses after about three steps, taking in the hustle and bustle of extras making important decisions: hit the Craft Services table after this scene or try to slip my headshot into the director's pocket? Clark breathes a deep breath and takes comfort in the press pass he's holding. It's a pathetic little laminated affair with a sideways "PRESS" and the words, "CLARK KENT" and "REPORTER" below. The badge lies. The photo shows Clark wearing a blue T-shirt and sporting John Mayer's hair. Clark pins the press badge to the breast of his hideous, untucked, red-flannel shirt and thinks, "Well, at least I got that goin' for me." He's also carrying a big backpack instead of a nice messenger bag or portfolio. Clark must have biology class later on in the press room. Clark approaches Lois's desk and clears his throat. Lois gives him big points for punctuality, but asks about his "wardrobe malfunction." "Whu?" Clark says, cutely, looking down at himself, "This is a nice shirt." Aw. It's almost darling, the delusion. Clark buys those shirts in plastic-wrapped packs of three at Wal-Mart.

Lois scoffs and tells him that he doesn't want to meet Human Resources looking like "The Brawny Lumberjack." All together now: "He's a lumberjack, and he's okay! He farms all night, and he mopes all day! He fights K-freaks, he wears high heels, suspenders and a braaaaaa. He wish'd he'd been a girlie just like his Kent Mamaaaaaa!" Oh, I thought Clark was so rugged! Moving on... Lois tells Clark to hold on. She walks to one of her co-workers' desks and grabs some just-laundered dry cleaning from a coat rack. "Hey, personal space, Lane! Remember?" the guy says. She must be a nightmare to work with. She tells the poor guy that "GQ" needs some roadside assistance, and she's just borrowing his spare. Clark mopes that he doesn't want to wear a tie. She tells him to dress for success and that there's no time for the men's room. That's going to be a real shame for Clark's bladder. Lois pushes Clark into a nearby phone booth, which he complains is not exactly private. Lois says he's lucky she was there to save him, or he'd be forever known as "Farmboy" or "Flannel Man." Lois greets people walking by as she waits. Clark finally emerges from the booth. He's wearing a dark blue shirt that just happens to fit perfectly. He asks how he looks. Lois is at a loss for words, but tries to play it off. As she's helping adjust his collar, there's a sudden explosion. Plaster and dust fall from the ceiling as Lois is pushed into Clark's arms. The chatter in the newsroom amplifies. As Lois looks to see what's up, Clark whooshes out of the scene.

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Smallville

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