Someone is videotaping the wedding day of Chloe and Jimmy, erasing over a Mini-DV tape that said "Missing Cloverfield footage." Clark and Lois make cute speeches, Clark leads Chloe down the stairs of the barn to get married, Chloe and Jimmy have cake. All goes according to plan until some crazy monster crashes the party, literally, and goes alien-shit on everybody. We see Jimmy lying on the floor, injured (perhaps fatally), with Chloe telling him to hold on. They she is carried off by a giant monster, Doomsday.
We backtrack to eight hours earlier as Lois is busily getting the barn in order. She and Clark keep making kissyfaces at each other and it goes on throughout the entire episode as their attraction to each other is made more and more obvious. Chloe, revealing a little too much to the videographer in her lingerie, assures Jimmy it's all right that he saw the bride before the wedding. He thinks they're now cursed. Good instinct! Chloe has something else to worry about: she's getting increasingly desperate calls from Davis, who won't leave her alone. Oliver comes to find Clark to tell him that Lex is still alive. He thinks he has a way to track our bald absentee villain down, but he needs Clark to be ready to go. Clark says he won't go and miss Chloe's wedding. Oliver, who now lives on a plane, still gets Clark to go steal a hard drive from Lex. Oliver wants to use that info to go take out Lex, but Clark won't budge. One of Oliver's new assistants steals the data from the hard drive anyway without Clark's knowledge. Oliver goes to hunt down Lex, but instead finds a bald mannequin. Also, a pink refugee: Lana is there, too, looking quite hot, if I'm being honest. Lana is vague about what she's up to these days, but asks how Clark is doing. Oliver tells her she should go to the wedding seeing as how she's Chloe's best friend and all. A best friend who ignores a wedding invite. She agrees to go. Also, given a text message she receives, we learn that she's working with someone with what we can imagine are nefarious plans. A message says, "Did the archer believe you?"
Davis, meanwhile, is out killing people, apparently. He's trying to hide two bags of people parts and is almost caught by a security guard. Davis, of course, kills the dude.
At the wedding, Clark and Lois dance and almost kiss. But, of course, that's the exact moment that Lana shows up to ruin everything. (Or in this case, to avert disaster.) Later on, Oliver advises Lois to go for it. He's figured out that the reason she's moping on the Kent Farm porch is because of her feelings for Clark. Gag. Meanwhile, Lana and Clark have an extended loft scene. Lana is glad she got out of town and even though she says it was a hard decision, she doesn't seem to want Clark back. Clark isn't thrilled that things are completely over, but before he can complain, they're called downstairs for the wedding cake cutting. That's when all Hell breaks loose as Doomsday shows up. Lana is slightly injured, but Jimmy is torn across the chest. Clark is knocked down by some stray Kryptonite he keeps around for occasions like this. Chloe is carried off by Doomsday, who looks like a giant armored character out of the video game Killer Instinct.
At the hospital (the Metropolis hospital, weirdly), Lana is all right. She tells Clark to go after Chloe. Lois is fine, but heartbroken. She tells Clark she's going to go with Jimmy as they medi-vac him to Star City, which also makes no sense. We cut to the newly dark and evil Fortress where Doomsday lays Chloe down. She opens her eyes and they are black and scary. She flashes a creepy smile. Brainiac is back in the house. Lastly, we see someone watching scenes from the wedding video on a giant screen. We pull back to show the back of a bald-headed person watching. Several wires are attached to the bald man's head and body. Lex likes to watch. We cut to black. And that's it until January 15th.
And it all comes to this: winter hiatus is upon us and this is the last bit of action we'll get (unless you're sleeping with an elf) until January 15. Hell, we might even get a "Special Guest Star" in here somewhere.
We open on a video of Chloe's wedding day. Shot in grainy hand-held, you could just call it Chloeverfield.. We see Lois, wearing a low-cut satiny orange bridesmaid's dress, and Clark, wearing a suit, staring stiffly at the camera. They're inside the Kent home, by the stairs. The voice of the cameraman tells them to be natural and speak from the heart. I don't think we have that kind of liquor budget for Lois. Clark steps in front of her and tells us (the camera/Chloe and Jimmy) that he's so happy the two of them found each other. He says they're lucky to be together and that he's going to make sure their wedding day is perfect. He smiles goofily. Lois starts speaking, but the cameraman instinctively knows to move to Lois before she speaks. He's got Spielberg's instincts! Lois tells Clark to stop hogging the spotlight. She steps in front of him and tells her "Cuz" she loves her and wishes Chloe and Jimmy long, happy years together. Oh, the years on Smallville are never short, let me tell you. Lois quotes The General: "Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy." She suddenly realizes what an idiot thing it was that just came out of her mouth and has a moment of regret. "You can edit out that last part, right?" she asks. Wonk, wonk wonk... "Lois," Clark says, trying to smile for the camera.
Abrupt digital camera cut to static. There's a little white triangle on the left side of the screen that is meant to signify "Play," and it stays there the whole time. The next thing we see is the Kent Barn, converted into the Barnness of Huppahtude. Guests are waiting as Lois and Jimmy stand at the altar. Lois and Jimmy, in close-up, smile as the music starts and they see Clark and Chloe approaching. Everyone stands and claps as Clark leads Chloe down the precarious loft stairs. Clark is wearing an orange rose on his lapel. Chloe, her hair looking wavy and short, looks great in her bridal gown. We jump cut ahead to a female minister saying, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." Jimmy lifts Chloe's veil and kisses her while she's smiling. Applause. They fall below the camera frame and we see that Jimmy has dipped Chloe as he continues kissing her. Smooth! Chloe beams.
Another abrupt cut. Lois speaks into a microphone. She asks everyone to help her welcome the newlyweds. Everyone cheers as Chloe and Jimmy walk together. Jimmy is also wearing the orange rose as well as a natty silver vest and tie under a traditional black tuxedo. Thank you for not going all dork-plaid on us, Jimmy. Another cut, this time to Jimmy and Chloe cutting the very cardboardy-looking wedding cake. The top layer actually looks like a wrapped roll of toilet paper. Something crashes loudly. Chloe looks up. "What was that?" she asks. Another crash. The lights flicker.