Another jump edit and people are panicking and running. "Oh my God!" someone yells. "Somebody help!" the cameraman cries. We see furniture crashing and quick shots of bloodied limbs. Screaming. A pixelated blur. Cut to: The camera is on the floor, tilted sideways. Chloe, on the ground, is holding Jimmy in her arms. He is bloodied about the torso. "Jimmy. Please don't leave me!" she pleads. She turns away from Jimmy. Something is approaching her. A shadow falls across Chloe. Cut to something monstrous carrying her toward us. Chloe screams. Another cut takes us to static. Cheesy and derivative, but pretty effective.
Opening credits. Commercials. Ozzy loves World of Warcraft. Hey, it beats hard-core drugs. To some degree.
Kent Farm, daytime. A title card: cursive wedding script on screen reads, "Eight Hours Earlier." Inside the barn, workers are toiling. Someone is lifting up a giant disco ball. Two women are busily carrying flowers around. Lois, wearing a black vest over a red blouse and sporting a Bluetooth earpiece, is stage managing. She tells everyone that it's 11-hundred hours and that they only have until sunset to make this "Heifer-house" into her cousin's chapel of love. That's... English, right? Some weird variation? An older guy is carrying in a giant silver tray of food. Lois stops him, telling "Emeril" that the dinnerware stays outside until the reception "Presto-change-o." That guy really should just throw the steaming food right on her. He agrees to take the food back. And leave it outside for the farm animals? Hey, "Special Guest Star Kristin Kreuk!" I kinda had a feeling. Like someone destroyed a planet or something and I was here to feel it. Into her earpiece, Lois calls "Goldilocks" and calls herself "Mother Goose." She asks how things are going in Bride Central. She's pleased to hear that Chloe is half an hour ahead of schedule, but warns her not to get cocky. Jimmy's awesome gay friend from the newspaper shows up. Lois doesn't even tell him hi.