Episode Report Card
Omar G: D | 1 USERS: F
A Squirrel Riseth
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Maybe it's best that last week the preview was a repeat and didn't really show what was going to happen in this episode, because if I'd known beforehand, I might have resigned my post and run for Canada (but not the direction of Canada where this show is filmed).

Nevertheless! Here we are and here we go. Please keep a vomit bag handy. We open on a very fancy and no doubt nefarious lab. A pipe is pouring water into a big tank while dudes in dark biohazard suits are working. Dr. Science, wearing an especially long-faced expression, bounds up to a platform. His lab coat is open, exposing his manly tie and sensible shirt. Do you like what Dr. Science is cooking? It's science-y. Some eggheaded young jerkoff tells Dr. Science that it's not too late to suspend the procedure. But that wouldn't be in keeping with Dr. Science tradition, now would it? Dr. Science says their orders are to move forward. "At what cost?" Whiny Egghead asks. Listen, you little bitch, the cost is your life if you don't move forward. Got it? Egghead whines that he knows Mr. Looo-thor (nice pronunciation there) wants to get up on his feet, but they're nowhere near ready to test this on a human. He says the studies on mice haven't even started. And the kangaroo tests are still a month away. Should he still even bother ordering the African rhinoceros at this point? Dr. Science doesn't even look his way when he says it doesn't matter. Mr. Luthor wants them to proceed, so that's what they're doing. Strap in, Junior. You're about to get blinded by motherfucking SCIENCE! He asks where they are with the molecular transfusion. Oh no. I didn't bring molecules. Did you bring molecules? SHIT! Does anybody here have any molecules? How are we supposed to do a molecular transfusion without any molecules? WE CAN'T, PEOPLE! Jeez! A woman nearby informs Dr. Science that the subject's vitals are stable and they're all set to go. Dr. Science takes a long dramatic moment. He darts his eyes left and right. I think he's gonna sing "Walk Like an Egyptian." Dr. Science climbs up more stairs so he can get a better view of the water tank. "Begin the transdermal evisceration," he tells an assistant. Whoah. That sounds... harsh. My skin is itchy. The woman nods and pushes a button. We hear a machine spinning up. In the water, we see a lady's body. There's electrical current in the liquid and suddenly, the body bursts into flames. Yes, in the water. Dr. Science watches in awe. Oh sweet fire, my old friend. The camera pushes through the flames until we see the face underwater. That's no lady! It's Lana Lang! She looks scared and is holding her breath. She suddenly opens her mouth and does a silent scream, air bubbles floating toward us. Yikes!

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