Smallville
Smallville

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | 824 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Men Suck

Lex and Clark show up at a train station. Lex says that the lojack system said the guy is there. Clark says he thought only the police had access to "lojack." Because Clark is the expert. Lex suggests that they split up. No! You'll break Clark's heart! Clark decides to wait for the sheriff. Lex goes off on his own to catch a stalker. Suddenly, Smallville has a train station as big as the one Harry Potter takes to get to Hogwarts. Lex passes a bunch of people and looks around. He spots Tall Paul, who scrambles between two of the train cars. He rounds a corner, looking hunted, and suddenly there is Lex, gun pulled on him. "If you pull that trigger, you're going to be the one going to prison," Paul warns. Lex pulls out a hankie with "LL" on it (what is it with handkerchiefs on TV lately?) and takes a second gun from his pants. He tosses the gun to Paul, who stupidly catches it. "Not if it's self-defense," Lex says. How cool is Lex this week? My goodness. He's so cool, we need to go to commercials to cool off.

Back at the train station standoff, Lex looks like he might pull the trigger. Paul suddenly gets smart and points the gun he was just given at Lex. Oh, wait, that's actually very stupid. Why would Lex give you a loaded gun? The gun, of course, dry fires. Lex isn't even amused at that. "I guess I forgot to load it," Lex says. "You're just full of surprises tonight, aren't you?" Paul asks. Huh? What's that in reference to? I like it when the villains just shut up and cower. Lex raises his gun slightly, and Paul has enough time to spin-kick Lex in the chest. Again: huh? Lex flies. Paul takes off and gets on the train. The train that's not moving. Where does he think he's going to go? Hoboville? Clark, meanwhile, decides to stop standing around and goes to help Lex.

Inside the train car, lots of lamps are on. It's got more light than the hospital. The train car has instructions on a window in four different languages, including French and Chinese. I'm sure that's a big help in Kansas. Lex creeps into an elegant, nicely lit car. Clark is still outside, but he jogs over to the car near where Lex is. Back inside, it's brooding music and Lex with a gun. Lex passes through a kitchen area. I like this scene because I can just sit and watch it without having to write anything more than "Lex continues to skulk around." Oh, wait, frying pan! Tall Paul clocks Lex in the head. Then he is kicked. Punching. Throwing. More punching. Head butt. Punch. Kick. Lex is on the ground, hurting. Clark doesn't use his super-hearing. Oh wait, he does. He hears the unmistakable sound of Lex getting his ass kicked. In the car, Paul conveniently finds an axe hanging overhead. He grabs it. Clark x-ray-visions the train and sees the skeleton getting ready to hack some Lex wood. Clark superspeeds over and shoulders the car, making it shake, and causing Paul to drop the axe. Lex finds his footing, and his gun, and points it square in Paul's scared face. "Goodbye, Paul," Lex says. He hesitates. He grimaces. Instead of pulling the trigger, Lex pistol-whips Paul in the face once. Clark suddenly runs in at normal speed. Then Marge and her deputies come in. She tells Lex to get rid of his gun, right now. Lex doesn't right away. Marge urges him to put it down. Lex calmly says that last time he checked, citizen's arrests were still legal in Kansas. Marge smiles, chewing gum, and looking frankly scary as all get out with her creepy Joker's grin. She says that if she catches Clark interfering with a police investigation again, "Heaven help you." Lex doesn't look too freaked out. Paul, on the other hand, looks pretty beat up.

Smallville

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