Commercials. The Real Cancun. When you absolutely have to pay money to have your intelligence insulted.
Marge! Inside The Talon, Marge Gunderson is writing something in a prop police notepad that looks like it's made of painted cardboard and construction paper. She's also got a pretty big hat on. "So you're the new sheriff in town," Clark says, trying to make conversation. "You writin' a book, Mr. Kent?" she snaps. Clark is like, damn! Shit! He looks at Lana. She is similarly "damn!" Marge tells Clark to keep the chitter-chatter to himself. And no horseplay! We had enough of that last week. Marge snaps her notepad shut and tells Clark that "flyin' boys" aren't something you see every day. Marge takes off her hat and brings her stretched cat face closer to Clark. She says the frat boys told her that Clark attacked them. It was three on one! How does she think that's true? Clark says that's crazy. Marge brings up a good point: why are the paramedics taking care of the fratties, but Clark doesn't have a scratch on him? Marge asks Lana what she saw. Marge sucks on a spoon and then takes a sip from a yellow cappuccino cup. Lana says she saw nothing. "You're lyin', ya know..." Marge hisses. I just want to feed her Meow Mix and clean her litter. "You said you made a good cappuccino," Marge says, further heightening the weird-ass dramatic tension. Lana looks hurt. "This is a great cappuccino," Marge trills. Lana smiles. Clark tries to escape, but Marge stops him. "We are just gettin' started," She says. Scaryface! This lady is so harshing Clark's hero buzz.
Kent home. MamaKent and Bo are trying to convince Sheriff KittyMeow that Clark wouldn't hurt anyone deliberately. Marge is just really pissed about her cruiser, I think. Marge says that she ran Clark's name in the police computer and found that he's been at "more crime scenes than Eliot Ness." She's the Continuity Police! MamaKent says that Clark's just trying to help people. Marge thinks Clark may have a hero complex. Clark is anything but complex, lady. Marge says that heroes gotta play by the rules, too, and that she's charging Clark with misdemeanor battery. He'll have to give the town three AA Duracells if he wants to go free. She says it could be a $1,500 fine. Clark stands up and says that his family can't afford that. Bo tells Clark to sit down. That reminds me of when I was in high school overseas and I got into huge trouble for taking part in an underground newspaper. We met with the principal, and after having talked to the Student Press Law Center, I started to blab about our rights and how we were protected by parody law and my dad told me to just shut the hell up. Marge offers Clark community service in exchange for dropping the charges. She says that Clark can keep the world safe from roadside litter. Heh. Bo starts to argue with that instead of shutting up his own self. Marge says that their old sheriff (the much beloved Ethan, whom I still bitterly miss) might have looked the other way, but those "good old boy days are over." Ha! Dukes of Hazzard shout-out! Marge puts on her hat and lets herself out. "Nighty-night!" she calls over her shoulder. She's got a warm dish of milk waiting in her police cruiser. MamaKent and Bo have no response to any of this.