Smallville

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Omar G: A- | Grade It Now!
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Doomy, Baby

Out on the street, Light Brite is walking alone. She's wearing a bright orange jacket and a purple scarf. Everything is black and white except for her bright-colored clothing. Sin City much? Everything around her is stark and scary-looking. Light Brite hears whooshing sounds around her. Someone is near. Shadows pass this way and that. She walks more quickly, coming around a corner. She reaches an alleyway. The lights are out except for a red PARKING sign. "Great," she says. She looks up and uses her powers to turn on an overhead lamp. Her yellow motorcycle is now the only other color nearby. Something passes behind her. She turns, scared. From the darkness behind her, something grabs her feet and pulls back, making her fall forward. It pulls her back into the dark, away from us as she screams. We hear her continue to scream as something attacks her.

Opening credits. Commercials. Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Who knew Kevin Smith would grow up to make such refined fare? (But, really, I can't wait to see it.)

Daily Planet, nighttime. Clark is at a computer trying to figure out what a "Windows" means while Chloe is slurping on the straw of a generic cafeteria-style soft drink container. She complains that when she suggested a "Dinner and movie night" with Clark, she didn't think the $3.99 combo was what was going to happen. Why did you go to the newspaper for a movie and dinner night? And where's Jimmy? I know he's cool with Clark and all, but shouldn't he be invited? Clark is looking at a scrolling online police blotter for Metropolis PD and ignoring her. Chloe says Clark has the conversational skills of a paperweight. Oh, he can't help that. His brain is a paperweight. Clark finally comes out of his daze. "Huh? Whu?" Clark talks about something happening so fast it was like a blur, but I have no idea what he's referring to. Chloe, frustrated but jovial, says she has some paperwork to go do and Clark is busy saving the world. Clark promises they'll do this again soon. Fun! No thanks! Chloe says they'll do it when all the criminals are gone and there are no more accidents. Clark, not getting the tragedy of the joke, says good night. Chloe tells him not to stay up too late. On a nearby police scanner, Clark hears that there's a robbery in progress. He whooshes out of his swivel chair, which spins around in his absence.

Inside a dark jewelry store (the same one we saw last week), a man in a suit is beaten up by a hooded criminal. The robber points a gun at the salesman. A red blur zips through the business, sending the robber through the store's front window. Couldn't you have taken him out without leaving the store vulnerable for the rest of the week, Clark? Jeez. The jeweler has an orgasm of relief. It's not pretty. I think those glass cases are going to need another cleaning.

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Smallville

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