Smallville
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Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
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Mama Mia!

The Old Mill Road hospital building. Chloe wakes up in a now-familiar nondescript cell room. "Mom?" she asks. Lynda Carter is right there with the stiff chin thinking, "That's my conscious girl!" She does look really proud. Chloe gets up and hugs her mother. "Chloe!" Mom says. "You're even more beautiful than I remember." Maybe it's because the child actor looked completely different. Chloe can't believe her mom's not totally catatonic. This rules! Lynda Carter blames herself and says that Chloe shouldn't be here. Chloe says it's not Mom's fault. It actually totally is her mother's fault. With an assist from Lex. Mama Sullivan says that Chloe is suffering because of what Mama made her do, just like when she was little. Chloe has no recollection. Lynda gets up, not facing Chloe, and asks if she remembers the time she hurt her hands when she was eight. Chloe asks, "How could I forget?" She had to wear bandages for weeks. Uh-oh. I don't like where this is going. "You know, I've never played kickball since then." See, that's where you went wrong. You don't play kickball with the hands. "You didn't hurt your hands playing kickball," Lynda tells Chloe. Chloe's smile fades. So does mine. This is going to be a bummer, isn't it?

Lynda says that Chloe came home with her hands covered in ink, and she told Chloe to go wash them. "Instead," Lynda says bitterly, "you went to play with your computer." Oh my God. It's my childhood. Played out for the world! Damn you, Smallville! Lynda says that she was so frustrated, she told Chloe to go wash her hands until the ink was gone. "Mom, what are you saying?" Chloe asks. Lynda says that she found Chloe in the bathroom with blood everywhere, having rubbed her hands raw. Good thing that Chloe didn't have ink on her face or it would have been like that scary scene from Poltergeist. "That's why I left. To protect you from me," Lynda Carter says. Yeah, this is what I think they call a retcon. But, whatever. It's the latter end of Season 6. Just throw the show bible out the window, I say. Lynda decides she has to protect Chloe from Lex Luthor. She says that Lex knows Chloe is meteor-infected, so Lynda has to get Chloe out of there. "No, we have to get out of here," Chloe says. Chloe asks if there's anyone in the joint whose powers could help free them. A sound effect takes us to the next scene.

Kent farm, nighttime. Two horses outside wonder where all the cows are hiding. MamaKent, carrying her business briefcase, enters the house. She's talking on the phone, telling someone that lunch before a meeting would be perfect. You know what's even more perfect? Lunch after a meeting. MamaKent notices Clark on the floor with a green rock glowing on him. Worst autoerotic asphyxiation experiment ever. MamaKent is slick. She finds the lead box right away and packs the rock into it, all the while saying Clark's name in one movement. Clark is all greasy-sweaty. She tells Clark to wake up. "Mom?" he mutters. "Oh, baby!" she says. You'd think she'd be a little less panicked after the hundredth time this has happened. And there's your obligatory Clark + Kryptonite = Pain scene.

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Smallville

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