Opening credits. Commercials. You can now see The Oliver Queen Chronicles at CWTV.com/sprint. There's also an arrow-shooting game featuring shirtless boys. Get your blocky animation on. It's fun for fans and pedophiles alike!
We come back to a church organ playing. In a church. The camera pans along the back row. The place is empty except for Lana, Lex, and a priest up front. Wow, this really does not speak well for requiring RSVPs to be done via Sprint text messaging. There are purple lights shooting up the church walls, making me think something's amiss here. The priest asks Lana about loving/comforting/honoring Lex. All at the same time? That sounds hard. Is this in the pre-nup? Also, Lana, please pay special attention to the part about "forsaking all others," because you see Clark, like, every damn day. Lana, wearing really deep, dark, crazy red lipstick and heavy eye makeup, says, "I do." Lex, wearing a white suit and white tie, smirks. He puts the wedding band on Lana's finger, next to the ginormous engagement ring. Lana grins. Lex suddenly grunts. Lana's grin goes even wider, and with that lipstick, we're in "Black Hole Sun" territory. "Lex! Oh my God, Lex!" Lana exclaims. Lex, surprised, looks down. The front of his shirt is red with blood. Lex's mouth is bloody, too. He grunts and falls. Clark -- wearing the suit from his bed, minus the tie -- is standing behind Lex. Not in the church, Clark! Lana stares at Clark with scary eyes. Clark is holding a small sword. "I saved you," he says, seriously. Lana steps forward, unwisely, saying that she loved Lex. Clark says she doesn't mean that. Lana, grimacing, grabs Clark's hand, the one still holding the bloody sword. "Lana!" Clark warns. She pulls the blade right into her belly with a grunt. Lana's mouth is open in a big O.
"NOOO!" Clark yells, sitting up in bed. He looks around the room. The camera zooms in on the suit and tie, hanging up on the inside of the bedroom door. Clark breathes deeply. Best dream ever!
Strange thing, this episode. It goes back and forth in time. Hope you don't mind. We are alerted to this by a wedding invitation card with a cursive "LL" at the top. The text reads, "Wedding Day. 11:03 am." Got that? It's before noon.