Smallville
Promise

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Omar G: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Holy Matrimony!

Are you ready for some music montage-age? Snow Patrol's "You Could Be Happy" -- which is bright and twinkly and not at all like my favorite song of theirs, "Run" -- plays. We open on a stack of wedding programs with a very expensive-looking purple "L" seal on them; the programs are for the wedding of Ms. Lana Lang and Mr. Alexander Luthor. When you're filthy rich, you don't need middle names. Chloe is in a church carrying a box of these programs. She walks up the aisle to the altar, where tons of purple and dusty-rose flowers are being placed, and a woman is holding a clipboard. Chloe, wearing a red coat, looks grimly around the church.

Cut to Lex and Lana getting an ultrasound. Well, Lana is the one getting it, actually. Lex is just watching. Lana stares up adoringly at Lex after she is wowed by the image of feet and baby. Lex smiles happily as he sees what looks like a blue curled-up intestine. Oh, man, suddenly I'm in the mood for Elgin sausage. Mmm, Elgin sausage. The ultrasound image is being shown on a nice flat-screen monitor. I thought most ultrasound machines looked like giant, beige robots from 1970s science fiction. I guess Lex can afford the best. Close-up on Lex as his mouth twitches. Son of a Lex! We get the reverse angle: creepy Dr. Langston, Lana (in bed), and Lex are watching the screen. I wonder if Lex has drawn a big happy face on Lana's tummy with a magic marker yet. With fangs on it. Lana looks at the screen in wonder again. I give Kristin Kreuk shit about her acting sometimes, but her look here appears genuine. Langston gives Lex a sidelong glance, like, "Dude, we're so evil. It's awesome." Lex just smiles proudly again as he looks at Lana. "You could be happy/I hope you are," says Snow Patrol, as we transition to...

...Clark opening a closet door. We see Clark from the closet's point of view, but isn't that always the case? Clark moves some clothes on hangers around and finally grabs what he's looking for. It's a suit with a white shirt already inside the jacket. Clark, wearing a tight red t-shirt, throws it on the bed. He grabs a tie hanging in the closet and examines it. I don't think you're going to be able to hang yourself with that, dude. Clark throws it on the bed. Stupid tie!

The song is still playing as we cut to an overhead view of the Lair of Lex. Lex is examining a wedding band he's holding between his finger and thumb. It's preeeeciooouuuusss. No, Frodo! Stay pure!

Another cut -- this time to Lana's back as someone is tying her up in a white corset. The fuck!? I know Lana's pregnancy isn't exactly showing, but is it really wise to stick her in a restrictive garment like this? I suppose this is fine if you plan to give birth to Flat Stanley. But seriously, forget saving the cheerleader: can we save Lana's belly? Lana, now in close-up, takes in breath and looks uncomfortable as the corset it tightened. Baby! Dying! Lana is standing in front of a full-length mirror as the unknown dresser laces her up and another person works on the wedding dress hemline.

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Smallville

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