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Omar G: D+ | Grade It Now!
Holy Matrimony!

Boost Mobile. Ten times more urban than anything you'll see on Smallville.

We come back to a strange camera pan that lands on Lex's right eye. He's in a chair in a dark room, watching a huge projection of the ultrasound. We can clearly see a baby's face and hear its heartbeat. Guys, this is some creepy shit right here. The baby turns its head toward Lex. Its eyes glow white and it growls. HOLY SHIT! Guys, seriously, this is freaky. Lex wakes up in bed. Thank God. Another second of this and I'd have been sending in an incomplete recap with a note: "Sorry. I was p0wned by Kuato." Lex sits up in bed. Alone, of course. He's got a really nice bedroom that we've never seen before. It looks like a hotel room. Lex turns to the pillow next to him. There's a dent, but Lana is gone. Wait, is this Lana's bedroom? They're sleeping together? Well, color me surprised. No, wait, don't color me. I like my skintone.

Let's do the time warp again! An invitation title card says, "LL" and "Wedding Day. 7:14 am." Wow, it sucks to be up that early on your wedding day. Lex enters his lair. Lana is standing in her nightgown next to the fire. Listen, I know you guys are obsessed with living in a castle, but 7:14 AM is too fucking early for a fire! Lay off it, already! Lex asks how Lana slept. "Like a baby," she says. Maybe that's because of the actual baby inside her gut. Lex lies that he did, too. He says that maybe they should just forget all this and elope. You're both crazy, you know that? Lana says, smiling, that it would be a big waste of 400 game hens. Lex tells her that it's a big day, and that it's all right to be nervous. Lana says that she knows, and tells him that she has a few loose ends to tie up. She says that she has to go meet Chloe and get ready. She kisses Lex lightly and tells him she'll meet him at the church. Or not, you know. Whatever happens, happens. Don't wait up. Lex watches her go. He's not thrilled.

LuthorCorp building, downtown Metropolis. Lex stands behind the desk, staring out the big windows. A familiar long coat appears on the periphery of the screen. "Busy day at the office?" asks a magnificent and bastardous voice. We watch Lex through the window as he says he had some papers to sign before the wedding; he has his back to Papa Luthor. Papa tells Lex that maybe he's avoiding the fact that he's got nobody to be with and nothing to do. Harshness! Lex, amused and resigned, holds ups his hands and says, "Fine, Dad, you pegged me." If only Clark would do that to him again. Lex admits that he's a little nervous. Papa starts to say something, stops, and then continues again. He asks whether Lex remembers when he was a little boy and Papa would bring him up to the office. Lex says that he would pretend he controlled everything. Papa Luthor chuckles. Lex says that he pretended he could move the cars and pull the strings to control everything. He says that it's all out of our control, really. "I should hope I taught you better than that," Papa tells him, brushing imaginary lint of Lex's shoulder. Lex says that ever since he's been with Lana, he wakes up every day wondering if this is the day she'll see who he really is. That's no way to live, friend! "What if she doesn't show?" asks Lex. He says he doesn't know what his life is without her. How about what it was like before you got together, Lex? You had a lot more fire in your belly back then. Frankly, you were a lot more fun. Lex stares out the window. Papa asks what Lex would be willing to do to make sure Lana stands at the altar that afternoon. I really don't like this literal turn Papa Luthor has taken. Lex stares at him, and then says he'd do anything. "Then she will be. I promise you," says Papa, putting a hand on Lex's shoulder. Foreboding music plays. Lex's cell rings as Papa walks out. He says that it's his wedding day, and that whatever it is can wait. "Is something wrong?" asks Lex. Papa Luthor hangs out just outside the door, listening. "I'll meet you there," says Lex, and puts the phone away.

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