Episode Report Card
Omar G: D+ | Grade It Now!
Holy Matrimony!

More time-bending title cards. "Wedding Day. 10:55 am." Lana is walking down the hallway as Chloe follows her, holding a plant and some gifts. Chloe tells Lana that she's due for her final dress fitting at 3 (isn't that cutting it a bit close?), and that the limo's picking her up at 3:30. Chloe, aware that Lana's not listening to her, adds that she's got naked-male Jell-O wrestling at 5. "Lana," says Chloe, "look at me." Lana has been driven to distraction. Probably via town car. Chloe doesn't think Lana slept at all the night before. Lana says that there's been a lot of pressure. Chloe says that since it's Lana's big day, she'll pretend that she doesn't see right through that. Lana thinks that's a great idea. Chloe asks what else she can do. Lana tells Chloe that she hid Lex's wedding gift in the wine cellar so that he wouldn't find it. Chloe says she doesn't mind being a personal gopher. Lana tells her that the gift is behind the Bollinger in the cooler. Little blue box, white bow. Chloe, her hands still full of stuff, goes. Lana watches her. Sneaky Lana!

Cut to Chloe in the wine cellar. There's almost enough wine here to get Keith Urban drunk! She finds the ridiculously heavy door to the cooler and enters. Chloe scoffs in appreciation: "Holy Dom Pérignon!" Among the thousands of wine cubbies, Chloe somehow finds the gift straightaway. The door closes behind her with a squeak. Chloe exhales in defeat. On the other side, Lana is locking the hinge door handle. Chloe didn't hear the lock turn? She bangs on the door, and then puts her back against it in defeat. "Perfect," she mutters. She immediately pulls out her cell and calls Lana. On the other side of the door, Lana's phone buzzes. She looks at it guiltily, but doesn't answer. Instead, she goes and hides among the shelves of wine bottles. "Come on, Lana," Chloe says into her phone, "pick up. Pick up, pick up, pick up." Lana doesn't. "Shoot," Chloe says. She dials again. This time it's Clark. He does his unfunny line about Chloe being at the Luthor mansion arranging flowers. Chloe says that she's at the mansion, but that she needs Clark's help. This time, when Clark whooshes in, Lana is watching from the wine bottles. She watches Clark walk to the door, break the handle, and pull off the door. It's not quite as dramatic as when Chloe found out Clark's secret. Lana sneaks closer to the doorway so that she can hear Chloe and Clark have it out about telling Lana his secret. She watches in amazement as Clark eyejaculates at the door hinges. The scene is no more convincing when seen from Lana's point of view. The entire scene plays out again; if you want to know what was said, just skip back in the recap a few pages. Lana's eyes dart all around, moist, as she listens to Chloe and Clark talk about her. From a recapping standpoint, I don't mind when a scene plays out multiple times. Copy-'n-paste, y'all! This time, when Clark whooshes out, he's there, and then just disappears in an instant. Chloe's hair flies. I actually really like that they did it this way. We're seeing what Clark's disappearing acts look like to someone else. Lana goes teary.

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