Smallville

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'Torso,' They Say

Isis. Instead of using the awesome power of Lana's computers, Chloe is using her green laptop as she calls Clark. She's leaving Clark a message telling him that the LuthorCorp jet just departed for Montreal. She suggests Clark do his business at the church quickly. Jimmy walks in through the unlocked front door, all excited. Chloe quickly shuts her laptop screen. "I take it you're over the whole sleep thing," Chloe deadpans. Jimmy has discovered that the symbols on Lex's chest have been popping up all over town for years. Hey, Jimmy, welcome to Season Two. He says they've been found on cave walls, burned on barn doors and cut into fields like crop circles. Chloe says it's just a hoax, like the crop circles in England. She says that people have been playing with the Kawatche cave paintings for years, just to get on the news. Jimmy says that Chloe is "going all Scully" on him because of a little story competition. Chloe says she doesn't think Smallville is destined to be Stonehenge. Jimmy says it's been the site of ritualistic killings, and that he found an exact match of the symbols on Lex's chest in the cave above a drawing. He shows a photo to Chloe, which she's seen before. It shows a coffin-shaped box around a man wearing what looks like a helmet and a stylized "S" on the chest. She says it looks like a guy in a doorway. Jimmy says it actually depicts a human sacrifice, according to the top web site authority on pictographs. Chloe takes another look. "Oh, my God," she says.

Poll:What do the Kryptonian Gods give you for sacrificing a member of the -El family?
a) A year's supply of ice, suitable for home building
b) A magical crest thingy
c) Space measles
d) A good probing
e) A one-way trip to Earth

We cut straight from that to the real event. Clark is lying on a giant stone tablet somewhere in the Cathedral. The tablet is inscribed with Kryptonian symbols. He's tied down and there's a green glow all around him. Teague makes sure his wrist brace is secure. Clark asks why he's doing this. "I thought you were supposed to protect me!" he says. Teague says it's his duty. To please that booty? He says that Clark let the secret of Veritas fall into someone else's hands and that this is the only way to make sure Clark doesn't come under someone else's control. Clark says he can stop it. "I will now bestow upon you..." Teague begins. ...A new car! Woooo! He says that he's going to perform an ancient Kryptonian ritual. Female circumcision. Clark's about to lose his clitoris. Teague goes to a candle-lit altar and reveals a gnarly dagger. He says that before the Kryptonians were a people of science, they were warriors. He says the ceremony was a sign of respect for the mightiest of their enemies. "You don't know anything about Krypton!" Clark yells. Teague says that Swann taught him everything. Clark says he must have been taught that Clark is good and that he's not a threat. Clark doesn't think Swann would want this guy to kill him. Teague says that Swann was an idealist who believed Clark would rule them with strength. But, he says, every passage that Swann quoted from Krypton could also be interpreted as showing Clark to be humanity's destroyer. Teague says that if Lex takes over, that's exactly what will happen. "Something your father couldn't have foreseen," Teague says. He removes a stone lid from a big pot. It contains liquid Kryptonite. Clark asks what this has to do with Jarnelle. Teague says that Clark's dad had high hopes for him, but also understood the dangers of placing a God among men. He takes a chalice and uses it to take the liquid Kryptonite and pour it into the tablet. The liquid spreads around Clark and into the symbols on each of the corners. Teague says that if Clark was to turn against humanity, we wouldn't stand a chance. Clark makes ugly faces. "That's why he sent the device," Teague says. Clark doesn't believe it. Teague says that the only other option was to destroy Clark, but Jarnelle couldn't bear the thought of his son's death. Teague comes back over with the dagger. Ominous music plays. "I pray that you find peace in this act of selflessness," Teague says. Yeah, bite me, dude! He uses the dagger to rip open Clark's blue shirt. Hey! That was my best plain blue T-shirt! It goes with all my red jackets! Teague lifts the dagger and then brings it down on Clark's chest. They both make hilarious faces as he begins to carve the shit out of Clark's chest. We pan down. The symbol is the Superman crest with the two circles inside (shaped like an 8). Blood, everywhere. Now you don't need a costume! Lucky! The Strings of Doom amp up until they're unbearable and the camera has to pull back from this awfulness.

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Smallville

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