Smallville
Rage

Episode Report Card
admin: C- | 1 USERS: A+
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Smack Talk
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

I'd like to dedicate this recap of the episode "Rage" to The Lady of Rage for just being a badass. I appreciate how you don't give a god-DAMN!

We begin (without Closed Captioning again, dammit) in Metropolis at night, staring at Oliver Queen's clock tower (it's not a metaphor). Inside, we see feet. Specifically, we see a woman's feet in very shiny high-heel shoes. A man in black dress shoes is standing nearby. The woman is wearing a gown and he's wearing pants (at least, I think it's a her and he), but probably not for long. A book falls next to the woman's feet. We pull back a bit to see Lois and Oliver making out next to a gorgeous, well-lit set of bookshelves that I drool over. You guys enjoy the kissing, I'm going to sit here and get all hot and bothered over the ample shelves. Books fall and things crash as they bump up against the shelving; once again, Lois has ruined a perfectly good fantasy for me. They're making out with much intensity. Lois pulls her arm up and thrusts her crotch forward in what I suppose is her mating pose. Oliver is kissing her neck as she arches her back. She pushes him away suddenly. GET! OUT! Oliver falls, smiling. She comes over in her shiny dress and pulls up her hem to straddle the poor boy. She kisses him on his chaise lounge. Lois, breathing heavily, says, "Wait. I have a surprise for you." It's her latest shitty story in the tabloid newspaper! Rejoice! Oliver jokes that he likes surprises, but doesn't like to wait. They kiss again. Lois promises that it'll be worth it. She bites her lip and sashays to the next room. Oliver wonders if the blue neon in the room matches the blue hue of his balls right now. A nearby alarm sounds. Oliver walks out to the balcony where he senses trouble. He sees an altercation serious enough for him to use a look of concern and make his chin pucker. It's danger time!

Down on street level, a couple is being accosted by some street hooligans. They're dragged out of their old car, which doesn't seem like it would be a good target for carjackers. But then I don't carjack these days, so what do I know?

While this is happening, Oliver opens up his super-secret weapons vault.

Back on the street, one of the toughs pulls a gun on the defenseless man.

In Oliver's lair, he's decided there's nothing to worry about and that he has plenty of time to change into his leather outfit instead of, say, shooting an arrow from the balcony to end things quickly.

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