Smallville
Smallville

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | 609 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Red Means Stop (Being Nice)

Sexy music is playing. As Clark and Raccoongirl dance close, the bartender pulls out the photo, which he just happens to have in his shirt pocket. He grabs the phone and calls Animal Control. Raccoongirl asks Clark if he likes Smallville. He says it's the only place he's ever lived. Except, you know, space. She says there's a "big bad world" out there, and somebody ought to show it to him. Lex? Lana stews. Clark and Raccoongirl are about to kiss when Lana comes up and announces that she's leaving. Clark says they just got there. He pulls out some cash and tells Lana to go get them some drinks. Ha! "You're unbelievable!" Lana says. No, he's super. "What happened to telling the truth?" she asks. Wuh? "What happened to 'you can spend time with whoever you want'?" Clark counters. Lana asks if that's the way he wants it. "Sure. There's enough of me to go around," Clark says. Hoo boy. Lana starts to leave. Clark grabs her arm. The two gayboys from before come up and ask if there's a problem. "Not anymore," Lana says, and exits. Clark grabs the two bathroom buddies and tosses them halfway across the dance floor by their shirts. The bartender comes at Clark with a wood bat. Clark uses his heat-vision to set it on fire. Nobody seems to notice his eye goop streams. Bartender comes at Clark with a fist. Clark grabs it, then chokes the guy. Somebody hits Clark from behind with a stool. Clark throws that guy. Did I just change the channel and catch Road House? "Anybody else?" Clark roars with a mad gleam in his eye. I could get used to this Clark. People back away. Raccoongirl says she can't be there when the cops arrive. Clark says they should pack their bags and see that big, bad world. He pulls on her like they're in the middle of a musical for their big exit.

Commercials. Birds of Prey. Boobies in leather.

Back at the farm. MamaKent and Bo ask Clark where he was the night before, as he takes some bags and packs them into the trunk of the Ferrari (which is actually in the front). He says that last night was the best night of his life. Wait...did he get laid? They say they want to help him. He's dressed in black like he's Johnny Cash Jr. Clark asks if their help is doing more chores on the farm for a $20-a-week allowance. He's wearing sunglasses, too. Bastard. Bo says there's something wrong with Clark and it's that ring. Clark says it's pathetic that Bo is still upset about the ring. Bo tries to go to Clark. "You really don't want to touch me," Clark warns. Bo asks Clark just to hand him the ring. MamaKent ruins everything by explaining that the ring changed Clark's personality. Bo helps. Clark says he wishes he'd found it sooner. Clark says they can stay in this mudhole, but he's through being poor. Bo says they might not have nice things -- non-barn bedrooms, toilets, a monkey butler -- but that he didn't think this family was about that. Clark says with his abilities, he can make millions. Sports. TV. Construction! Clark says they've been forcing him to hide who he is. Bo says they've been protecting him so that he wouldn't get taken away. Who's going to take Clark away? It's not like he can't defend himself now. Clark says he's just been another piece of farm equipment. The hoe? Clark speeds of as Bo and MamaKent are literally left in the dust.

Smallville

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