Are you ready for some bad, bad Clark? He's not as bad as Leroy Brown, granted, but I think you'll find Clark can wear black and raise some fisticuffs with the best of them.
We begin at school with Chloe modeling the new Smallville High class ring. Apparently, everyone has to get the same stone (ruby red) and they get them when they're sophomores. That seems like a bad idea given the drop-out rate these days, but hey, I'm not Josten's. Chloe remarks that nothing says school spirit like the class ring. She immediately complains about the cheapness of the ring, saying they'll be lucky if the glue holds through graduation (which is...how many years away?). Chloe wonders aloud if the stone is actually a ruby. She walks off, her whisper of a sub-plot to be taken up later when it's needed.
"Are you gonna do this?" Pete asks. "I'm here, aren't I?" Clark answers. Are they buying class rings or going to a bordello? Quick aside: My last week living in Germany when I was fifteen, my best friend Karl and I decided to go to this place called "Crazy Sexy." We'd been hearing about it for as long as we'd lived there. It was one of...you know, those places. So we took our backpacks and the logs we carried around (we were big Twin Peaks fans at the time and carried around logs. Oh, stop looking at me like that) and took the bus downtown to go to Crazy Sexy. We walked in and immediately saw a sign that said, "All U.S. non-active duty personnel, we will call the M.P.s (Military Police)." We got superscared and hightailed it out of there, but not before we saw what looked like the lobby of a shabby Motel 6. We also saw a lady poke her head out of a room with a huge feathery hat on her head, and saw another lady walk by wearing a towel. She had the longest neck I've ever seen on a woman. And that's my "Crazy Sexy" story. Pete brings up the issue of Bo Duke telling Clark that $350 is a lot of money to spend on something as useless as a class ring. Listen to your dad, Clark. My class ring is somewhere in a plastic baggie along with my twelve-sided dice collection and senior pictures of people I haven't seen or heard from since graduation. Clark says he earned that money (on the street?) and it's his decision. Pete still thinks Clark's not supposed to buy the ring. Whose side are you on now, Pete? Maybe the Kents should adopt you, ya baby.
Meanwhile Lana, good Samaritan that she is, is leading around a new girl. The new girl has dirty blonde hair, leather pants, and a red bra showing through a black mesh top. She's also got eye makeup applied via putty knife. She's Raccoongirl McMeshtop. Lana gives Raccoongirl the first-day-of-school spiel and our meshy friend asks what people do for fun around there. They used to hang people up in the corn fields, but it's been boring since Jocko Whitney left town. Lana pimps the Talon and then says that she's biased because she owns the place. Lana's the kind of person who, later in life, would hire a clown or a cowboy to do local TV ads for her coffee shop and tell people she's dropping prices on cappuccinos because she's "insane!" "Gee, I'll have to check it out," Raccoongirl says. If I were Lana, I'd start hiding any assorted nuts at the shop in case the girl wants to start foraging for the winter. Raccoongirl spots Clark and Pete at the ring counter and asks Lana about the major "hottie" in the primary colors. Lana tells her it's Clark Kent. Raccoongirl tells Lana she'll get Clark to show her around. Raccoongirl watches Clark, her mouth open a little. She so belongs in a video as Lita Ford's understudy. Clark slips on his ring as the girls watch. Nobody, not even Clark, notices that his veins turn all glowy maroon and the ring lights up when he puts it on. It fades quickly, up his arm. Clark smiles strangely and his eyes get all red. Uh oh. Clark got into Snoop Doggy Dogg's discarded weed stash! Clark's eyes flash orange and he looks like he had a burst of refreshing fruit flavors in his mouth. Pete looks at Clark. "You feelin' all right?" he asks. Clark needs a cigarette. He says he feels great.