The principal walks up behind Lana and Raccoongirl and tells the less chaste of the two that the school has a dress code. The principal is a new guy and hasn't properly been introduced. Oh, I miss Principal Once Upon a Time Was Smooth That I Dreamed of Once in a Lullaby. "Lame and lamer," Raccoongirl says. Huh? Clark chortles at that. The principal asks Clark if he thinks that's funny. "By the way, I'm not changing," the new girl says. Principal asks to see her in his office. Clark stops them. He addresses Mr. Gibbons, the principal. Clark surprises everyone by saying he thinks Raccoongirl is really hot (if you can see past the vortices of her eyes) and that the dress code "sucks." Clark tells the principal to cut the girl some slack. He adds that the principal shouldn't be the one giving fashion advice. Ouch! Remarkably, Clark doesn't get into any trouble for this insubordination. Raccoongirl looks at Clark moonily. Gibbons backs down and tells Raccoongirl to wear something else the next day. He's looking at her boobies as he says it. Lana busts in to finish the tour. Like there's anything at the school as interesting as that exchange. Pete comes up to Clark asking where that came from. "I dunno," Clark says. Shot of the two girls walking off, their rounded butts in focus. "But I think I like it," Clark says, smiling. Clark's about to lose control, and I think he does like it.
City! Metropolis at night! A stern-looking older man with gray hair is questioning a younger man sitting in a sports hot tub. He shows a picture of the young man and Raccoongirl at a school dance. Kid says he doesn't know where she is. Old Heavy -- who is revealed to be a federal marshal -- presses further. Long story short: the kid reveals that he heard from her, and that she was somewhere in Kansas. Heavy pulls a gun. And when the kid has spilled his guts, he turns on a boom box then drops it in the water. The kid is fried to a forgettable crisp. I keep trying to warn you guys: alt-crap rock kills. This scene was only to demonstrate that somebody's after Raccoongirl and that this guy's dangerous. Fine. Another week, another pointless death.
Opening credits. Commercials. If anyone actually puts the game "Bejeweled" on my cell phone, you are never going to get my hand off of it. You'll just have to find a way to have me type these recaps with the phone glued to my hand. I hear they're doing wonderful things with speech-recognition typing software these days.
Back at school. (No banner flies atop the Smallville High sign? Someone from the decorating committee must have gotten sacked.) Clark hands Pete a flyer for a place across the county line that doesn't check IDs. Pete says it sounds like a bar. "I knooooow!" Clark exclaims, sounding like a hermaphroditic twelve-year-old. Clark says that Pete's the one who says you have to break the rules to have fun sometimes. Clark suggests they go that weekend. Clark's gonna get his drink on! Pete says that the day Clark Kent breaks the rules, Pete'll be there. Whenever somebody's beating up a kid in a dark alley, he'll be there. Whenever a family's getting cheated for the migrant farm work they did, Pete will be there. Pete is suddenly The Oversoul. Raccoongirl comes up behind them and says that the place Clark wants to go to "rocks." She said she went there on her way into town. She asks if Clark is planning a road trip. She's wearing the biggest belt I've ever seen outside of the WWE. Clark says, "If we do, I'll let you know," in a smooth Mr. Lover voice. He gives her a squinty, Ladies' Man look. It's the Hetero-est Look of the Episode! Raccoongirl forages for a pen from Pete and scribbles her number on Clark's hand. Clark still hasn't wiped that smirk off his face. I'm beginning to wish that was green meteor-rock ink. Orchestral music plays -- as it has a lot more this season, in favor of the usual crap-rock. Pete states the obvious: Raccoongirl was hitting on Clark. Clark says she's "kinda hot." Pete asks if Clark isn't married to Lana in his imagination. Damn, Pete. Why you gotta shackle your best friend down before he's even lost his supervirginity? Speak of the Lana: she comes up, looking like she's about twelve inches tall, and observes that Clark and the new girl are becoming "fast friends." Who even says that? Clark says he was trying to make Raccoongirl welcome. "Don't worry, Lana. I haven't taken my eye off you all day," Clark says. And given that his eyes have the ability to ejaculate, that's all the more disturbing. Lana ignores the remark and asks if they're still having a cram session that night at the Talon. Clark says he'll be there if she's there. Pete ineffectually says that he'll be there, too. Sorry, man. You had your shot at the spotlight last week. No one cares anymore. Lana laugh/scoffs and walks off. She can't handle real testosterone. Pete is impressed by Clark's sudden adoption of the new religion of Mackdaddianism.