Smallville
Redux

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
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Repetitive Super-Injury

That "Be Aggressive" song that that listless girl tried to do in the Bring it On audition scene is playing. Isn't that song from, like, five years ago? It wasn't really very aggressive even then. Clark steps up to the diving board. Himbo gets a little kiss, and then walks over to the next board, taking off his shirt on the way. This must be Turner. This race is supposed to be to determine who's the fastest in the school. Clark and Himbo Turner get on their marks. They swim. The song continues, unaggressively. Halfway down the lane, Turner goes underwater. The music goes dramatic and people -- including Reese Lite -- yell for help. Turner gasps just above the water then sinks again. "Somebody help him!" Reese yells. Clark goes underwater, then superswims to the boy. Young near-naked bodies tangle underwater. Clark helps the boy out of the water. People stand around and watch. They turn the kid over. Oh, my god. That is soooo funny. It's the old man from Metallica's "Unforgiven" video. Guess he finally made it out of that dank room. We go to opening credits on that disturbing Ensure vitamin drink moment.

How sad it is that Richard Harris was in, like, a thousand movies for decades, and nobody knows what else to call him but "Dumbledore"?

Hot muffins! No, it's not a Lex scene. It's the Kent kitchen. Bo is balancing the old dusty checkbook and eyeing the tiny cow on his tan mug. "Open your mouth," MamaKent says as she comes by with a piece of muffin. The last time Bo took that advice, it became the Great Platitude Flood of 1997. Few in its path survived. "Honey, that's perfect," he tells MamaKent, who has somehow gotten a lot of time off from her new job with Papa Luthor. Let's just say it: this episode was filmed for last season. So no heat-vision, no blind Papa Luthor, no crazy Lana/Clark tension. Bo says they need to come up with a name like "Famous Amos." Clark walks in and suggests, lamely, "Mrs. Kent's" in deference to "Mrs. Field's." How about Fiber Muffs? Clark says this muffin thing is turning into a big-time operation. I have a feeling this little MamaKent Muffin subplot will never come up again. Clark does the thing again where he takes the pan from right out of the oven in his bare hands and carries it to the counter. Yeah, it's not like anyone is dying in the world who might need your help. Just make sure you take care of those hot muffins. MamaKent says that two convenience stores and a retirement home have been added to her client list. Clark eats part of a muffin, which makes me wonder all kinds of things about his super digestive system. Bo sighs and says he doesn't know how they're going to pay the feed bill this month. I've got a crazy idea: why not feed the muffins to the livestock? MamaKent suggests they get an extension on their credit. Bo says he's already asked and got a "no." MamaKent says that her salary from Papa Luthor isn't enough, so what are they gonna do? The line is dubbed in because you don't even see her face when she says it. Instead, we watch Clark drink some milk. No one knows what to do for money. It's not like they have a superbeing in the house who could raise money by lifting lumber or serving as a human tow truck. MamaKent says there is one call they could make: "Maybe we should talk to my father." Bo doesn't like that idea. He walks away. Clark shakes his head and asks why everyone becomes quiet and uncomfortable whenever his "grandad's" name comes up. Clark asks if it's not weird that he's never met the guy. Bo says he's sad Clark hasn't had a chance to connect with Grandpapa, but that there's too much bad blood. The hemoglobin is all screwy and the white blood cells are argumentative. Bo says he has work to do and walks out. MamaKent and Clark exchange a look.

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Smallville

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