Smallville
Redux

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
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Repetitive Super-Injury

That new version of "Mickey" is playing as a girl stretches the skin next to her eye, looking into a mirror. Did they just raid the entire Bring it On soundtrack for this episode? The girl looking in the mirror is Reese Lite. She seems to be checking for wrinkles. Or one of those awful zits! Principal Asskick visits her at her locker. He introduces himself with a stiff upward arm wave, as if he's Black Frankenstein. She asks if he got her memo about new cheerleading uniforms. He says he's looking into it. He obviously thinks she's the absolute bestest student ever. She says that she wants everyone to have, suitably, the bestest time ever at Spirit Week. Asskick says he admires her enthusiasm. Oh, by the way, he doesn't have a transcript from her old school. Reese Lite says her old guidance counselor was a total ditz. She promises to have her parents send a copy over. After Principal Asskick leaves the scene, she looks after him with a determined, evil look. Evil Reese! Evil Reese!

Wall of Weird. Chloe is hanging up a Smallville Ledger front page with a photo of the dumb jock from before. The headline reads, "Smallville High Swim Champ Dies of Mysterious Causes." It was the finals; was he really a swim champ yet? The headline is split in half, and the second line is half the size of the first line even though it's all one headline. Somebody get Poynter up in this beeyatch. Chloe -- who's wearing a shirt that even hippies would deem too garish -- walks away from the wall as Pete notes that this young man has joined the ranks of unexplained and bizarre Smallville mysteries. Chloe says that the medical report identified the cause of death as "an acute onset of the rapid aging disease Progeria." That's the disease where you suddenly turn into the little bald man on Benny Hill that he would slap on the head repeatedly. Clark -- who is looking through some folders -- says that he thought that was the disease that aged you over the course of ten years, not ten seconds. How does he even know about that disease? Did he learn it from that Ralph Macchio movie? Chloe says that the coroner hasn't figured out whether it is Progeria or some other unexplained thing. Like school spirit sucking the life out of him. ["And since when is the coroner spilling confidential forensic details to Chloe?" -- Wing Chun] Clark changes the subject to needing a hall pass from their new principal. He says it in the whiniest of tones. Chloe says that lots of campuses have closed-campus policies. How's Lana gonna get in after her slave-wage shift at The Talon?

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Smallville

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