Smallville
Relic

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Let's Do The Time Warp Again

So all those WB sitcoms are still on the air? Color me surprised.

We come back on a folded up piece of paper held in the hands of one Sheriff Cheshire (Cat). She's also got a cup of coffee, and if there's one thing that lady doesn't need, it's a cup of coffee, let me tell ya. Hey-yo! Clark and Lana are trying to get her to open up an investigation that was put to bed forty years ago. At least, that's what Cheshire is in disbelief about. Clark says that the mayor knows more than he's telling. "Oh, yes, that mysterious drifter of yours," Cheshire says. She means the one at the rest stop Clark keeps mysteriously running into, but that's another story. Clark has already decided that then-Sheriff Tate made a deal with Lachlan Luthor to drop his charges if Lachlan killed the drifter. Dirty justice, that. As they cross the street, Cheshire says that Clark is a great storyteller, but a lousy detective. She says she'll need two small things, like motive and evidence. And a bigger thing, like a cruller or a bear claw. To go with the coffee. Clark shows Cheshire the police log and the love letter with the handwriting that matches. Lana says that the mayor was in love with Louise: with the drifter dead and the husband in jail, he could have Louise all to himself. The sheriff warns Clark and Lana to be careful whom they're pointing fingers at. Cheshire excuses herself to solve some crimes in this century. The Mad Cow Tipper is still on the loose, and he keeps leaving dollar bills and loose change under all the cows.

Adventures in canning. In the Kent Kitchen, Bo and MamaKent are canning up some peaches. Looks mighty fine, I tell ya. Mighty fine. Bo is complaining to MamaKent that they can't even tell if Clark's visions are real. He thinks that they might be another test from Jor-El. Jor-El really needs to invest in a ScanTron machine if he's going to keep this shit up. MamaKent says that Clark is usually determined for a reason. A very pink reason. MamaKent says that they can't blame Clark for wanting to know more about his birth parents. We've not really established that Clark has more than a male parent. I'm sticking with the monosexual theory. Bo says that all he can think of when he hears Jor-El's name is that they're not his "real birth parents." He said it, not me. MamaKent says that right now Clark is there with them. But, not there there. There out somewhere. Oh, there there is Clark. He walks in and throws his jacket on the table. Nice manners, dickweed. MamaKent asks whether Clark has had any more of the visions. He was going to ask for a bowl of cereal, but damn! Parents just don't understand. "No," Clark lies. Bo apologizes for doubting Clark. Bo says that they can go out to the barn, where Louise was killed (family death fun!) to see if Clark missed anything. Clark suddenly notices a rifle mounted up on the wall. "That's grandpa's gun," Clark says. He goes over to touch it and hold it and love it. Clark says he saw that gun in the first vision he had in the cave. Clark grabs the butt of the gun. (Would that it was the first rustic, older butt he'd ever grabbed.)

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Smallville

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