Episode Report Card
Omar G: F | 1 USERS: F
Love Is A Many Squandered Thing

So this is around the point where I began to wonder if I could get away with sending in something much, much shorter than what I usually write and head for the hills to escape my obligation. I had it drafted and everything. Here was what was going to be the recap for "Requiem" in its entirety:

S8E14: Requiem, 02-05-09 Writers: Holly Henderson & Don Whitehead, Director: Michael Rohl.

Wifey and I enjoyed this episode and I have to give congratulations to the lighting crew for creating such a moody, charged environment for all the superpowered action this week! That green lighting in those Kryptonite orbs must have been quite a challenge. As usual the production team rose to the occasion.

Lana gets to keep her superpowers? Wow! Will we see her fly at some point? As M. Night Shyamalan himself might say, "What a twist!" Clark continues to mature and develop his powers and sense of self, but I get the feeling this hard lesson in love is really going to stay with him for a long while, at least through another season or two of much-anticipated episodes.

My favorite part was seeing the creepy shadows on the all-but-unrecognizable Lex Luthor, now reduced to sitting in the back of a trailer and hooked up to life-giving tubes. His remaining eye widens just before he explodes. Nice job, director Michael Rohl, keeping this tension going. It had a detonating effect on my TV viewing. Did Lex see it coming? Intense. Bravo, Smallville. This is going to be rolling around in my head until new episodes return in March.

That would have been so much more easier and fun. Oh well. Pressing onward...

Commercials. I really like Isla Fisher, but Confessions of a Shopaholic just makes me sad for her. I hope it's not as bad as it looks.

Kent home at night. The cows have all run away in fear of what's happening and how badly it stinks. We hear a low thumping and then a mighty crash. Oh. Oh no. Please, God, no. Don't let it be what I think it is... Inside, we see that the Kent bed has been broken in half. Its middle hits the floor as the two ends of the four-poster bed jut toward each other. On the bed and under the covers, we see Lana Lang giggling. Feathers are flying. My stomach, she is turning. WHY, GOD, WHYYYYY!? Why have you forsaken this show!? The camera pulls up and we see Clark, bare-chested, next to her. He is also having a too-fucking-good time. "Please tell me the bed was already wobbly," Lana says. "Lana, it's made of solid oak," he replies. I sure hope he was talking about the bed and not his oaken space penis. Lana dives under the bed sheet. Clark follows. He cuddles with the pillow and the two of them look at each other with sickening satisfaction. These 50 Tums I just took are rapidly wearing off. Stomach acid, go! Clark asks Lana if they should find out how strong the floors are. Down, boy! Geez! I know you're backed up, but damn! Save some nookie for shower time. Lana asks where Clark gets all the energy. The sun, baby. The sun. But now it's dark and I'm quite sleepy. Business hours are over, baby! Clark moves his eyebrows suggestively as he asks if she'd like to see another sunset. He says they can head west, find a sandy beach and start their night all over again. Forget Lana, I'll go! That sounds fun. Lana says she loves Clark being all romantic like this. It's a nice break from his usual morose, guilt-ridden, self-righteous, soul-searching bullshit. She says there's something she'd like more than a trip to the tropics. Cunnilingus? Clark tells her to just name it. Lana superspeeds out of bed as Clark's nipple gets hard as steel. Clark lifts the sheet and sees that Lana is standing next to the bed, now fully dressed. She's wearing a black leather jacket. She says she wants to help Clark while he's out on patrol in Metropolis. Wearing that? Sorry, sweetie, we don't call it "Flannel Patrol" for nothing. Clark's not so sure about this. Lana kneels next to the bed. She says that when she stopped the bullet from killing Dr. Science last week, it was the most amazing feeling she ever had. More amazing than what just broke the bed? Thanks a fucking lot, Lana. She says she got to use her powers the way she'd always planned. How long has she been planning this? Clark, suddenly somber, says that even with her powers, it's still dangerous out there for Lana. Lana says that Clark protected her for years, but this is who she is now. Gross, isn't it? She says it's the life she wants. "And I want to share it with you," she adds. She blinks as her eyes get all dewy. Clark likey. He smiles. He superzips around Lana and changes into some clothes. Oh. A red shirt and blue Member's Only jacket? That's not exactly the eveningwear Lana had in mind. Now she's embarrassed to be seen in public. Clark says that all he's ever wanted was someone to share his life with. And a little gay sex on the side. Clark wanted someone to work with him side-by-side. "Just like my mom and dad did," he says, moping. He starts to say he thought he'd never find someone like that because of his abilities, but Lana stops him. Yes, Clark. Just you shut your mouth. Shhhhh. Lana says she's right here. So that he won't start crying. He kisses her. Nom nom nom. Lana opens her eyes slowly. They hear a knock from the front door. It's pretty loud considering they're upstairs.

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