Smallville
Resurrection

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Laz 'R Us

This episode is nothing but hospital scenes. I think my position on those has been made abundantly clear. This is like a big visage in the sky that says, "Fuck you, Omar!" Thanks, Smallville dudes. Thanks.

We open on a thermal 3-D image of Janet Jackson's breast. You can see where the leather and the red flimsy lingerie were ripped away. Does anyone think it's weird that this boob looks like a hyperactive bottle of Visine? Oh, wait, that's no boob! That's a boob's heart! Bo Duke, in fact. We know this because Bo Duke is in a (Grrrr...) hospital bed, looking at it, concerned. "My God," Bo thinks. "It's full of motor oil." Bo asks a doctor if he can take home the souvenir video when they're done. Bo will take the tape and try to put it into the field thresher. MamaKent is standing behind the hospital bed, pursing her lips and wearing burnt orange. The doctor is touching one of Bo's nipples with what looks like a "personal massager." Yep. Nipple's done. Dr. Hibbert tells Bo to put his shirt back on. Yeah, Bo. We've seen enough. MamaKent asks how everything looks. Hairy. And nipply. Dr. Hibbert says the left martochotria ventricular whatsis is still disconnected from the, uh...leg bone. That motor oil isn't helping, either. Bo says he doesn't like the way that sounds. He was hoping Hibbert would say, "Heart good, you go home, have ice cream, hoo hoo hoo!" Hibbert says that because of the "arterial blockage" (oh, come on, he's just making phrases up now), Bo is going to need a triple bypass. He has three platitudes in his valves just struggling to get out. Ah ha ha, recycled computer animation of an inner ear (or as I like to call it, "The Bent Crutch Project") vibrating like crazy against Pom Pom's stomach. Hibbert now sounds like Darth Vader as he says that when Bo comes out of the hospital, he'll feel like...well, not a million bucks, but maybe change for $10. We pull out of the ear (ew) and see Clark Kent, Doofus About Town, listening intently. Bo asks if open-heart surgery isn't a bit extreme. Only if they put Mountain Dew in the IV. The freaky whoosh-vision camera places us back in the exam room as Hibbert tells Bo Duke that they've been friends a long time. "Given your present condition, you could have a heart attack at any moment, a hoo hoo hoo!" the doctor says. He says that the next time could be fatal. "Stop with all this medical jargon, you quack," Bo screams. "Explain to me what a 'fatal' is!" Bo says that the surgery could be fatal, too. Dr. Hibbert has a snowy landing strip on the chin of his beard. He tells Bo he has a far greater chance of dying without the surgery.

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Smallville

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