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Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
The Breastplate and the Bad Cop

Some schmo in a car. MeanCop pulls up in another car next to the guy and asks, "Did you bring 'em?" Schmo says he's not supposed to be doing this. MeanCop counters about how many rent-a-cops don't fill out the part about previous arrests on their applications. Is a rent-a-cop job that important to you, Schmo? Schmo hands over a batch of museum security photos, including one of Lex and Clark looking dapper from an overhead view. MeanCop smiles in recognition of unmistakable love.

Stately Luthor Manor. Funky music is playing. Lex is pouring some wine. Oh yeah. Seduction. Lex, in a purple turtleneck, asks how his guest likes Smallville. "I liked it a whole lot more once they stopped using kryptonite as a plot device every week," Boobs McChesty thinks, but instead she answers that it reminds her of her home village in Wales. Circling around Lex in her red fiesta wrap, she says it's safe, boring, and the last place she expected to find Lex. He says his dad's bringing him back to Metropolis in a few years. "He's lying," she says, shaking her head a little. "I know," Lex answers. Man, I never thought an actress could come on this show and have less charisma than Lana. She tells Lex he deserves something better. Lex wants to know why she's here, adding that the daughters of multinational billionaires don't fly halfway 'round the world to rekindle old flames. Wait, I thought rich people did that all the time. He also notes that she's an executive vice-president. "So, you've heard?" Boobs yell/warbles. Lex says he keeps up. "How is Sir Harry?" he asks. For a minute, I think he's talking about Harry Potter, but it turns out it's her dad, and that he's as inaccessible and rich as Lionel Luthor. Boobs says her father thinks Lex's negative feelings for his father might work to all their advantages. Boobs sounds like one of those shampoo commercials where a supermodel who shouldn't be allowed to talk out loud is forced to talk about nutrients and pH balancing. Lex asks if she was sent as an incentive. "I've missed you, Lex," she says. "I'm touched," he responds. He seems about as interested in her as Jocko Whitney is in joining the Royal Shakespeare Theatre Company. Lex asks if she has a proposal. "First I think I'd like...something else," she says. They kiss. And it's boring.

"Another scathing editorial," Clark says. He and Chloe are looking at the website for Chloe's school newspaper. "Is there any other kind?" she giggles. They're sitting together, practically butting heads and it looks like they might kiss. Just then, Lana walks in behind them. Clark looks at her in shame; Chloe looks away in disappointment. Lana asks where Clark went the night before. He says he wasn't feeling well. Getting hit by a bus will do that. Clark lames that he must not be much of a city guy. Chloe snarks that you can take the boy out of the farm, but not the farm out of the boy. Oh, how droll, Ms. Chloe. Chloe walks off and runs into Principal Smooth, who looks like he's aged about fifteen years since we last saw him. Principal Smooth is now Principal Aged. He tells Chloe that he's received complaints from parents about an article she wrote about freak occurrences in Smallville. He tells her that the EPA ruled long ago that the kryptonite rocks in town are harmless. Except for all the killing and the death, of course. He tells Chloe that this is not her personal tabloid. This is just like when I got suspended from my school paper for doing an underground newspaper. Except for the kryptonite part. Principal Withered tells Chloe he's requiring her to do her job, except now she can't because she's fired. He says he's going to suspend her until he can find a new editor. ["He canned her in front of Clark and Lana? Shit, I know it's just a school paper, but that's not very professional." -- Wing Chun] After he leaves, Chloe, stunned, asks, "Okay, what just happened?" The ever-helpful Pete tells her she just got shit-canned. Clark says he's sure there's something they can do. Lana does him one better by offering to talk to The Principal Formerly Known as Smooth.

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