Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
The Breastplate and the Bad Cop

Outside the Beanery. Little fancy yellow umbrellas have been set up outside the coffeehouse, even though it's Canada and it looks like wind is about to knock everything down and everyone is wearing coats. ["Hey! Canada has restaurant patios! That's not so far-fetched!" -- Wing Chun] The umbrellas even say "Beanery" on them. So the show got a little bump in its production budget, huh? Clark is walking down the street, people talking about him. It's like Midnight Cowboy without the cowboy or the midnight. MeanCop pulls up in his silver Ford. He tells Clark to get in. Clark keeps walking. MeanCop smashes into some trash cans and trash bags. Oh, I see. Now it's Police Squad. "What do you want, Phelan?" Clark asks. That's really the cop's name. It's funny because it sounds like "phallus." Phelan the MeanCop fills in Clark about his conversation with Bo Duke.

Fireplace. Lex is pouring wine again for himself and Boobs McChesty. He's pouring it from this weird-shaped green phallic tube. I think you can stop with the seduction, Lex. She's been ready to go since she hopped on that Concorde. Boobs ask Lex if he's seen her father's proposal. Lex says he doesn't have to see it. Boobs asks if he's a mind reader. No, he just read the script and prepared, unlike her British no-talent ass. Lex says that Boobs's father wants to take over Luthorcorp, and needs Lex's shares to do it. He suspects she thought up the scheme, not her father. She smiles and bobs her head around, thinking, "Oh, hey, acting is fun!" Lex says that taking over Luthorcorp won't make her daddy respect her any more than he already doesn't. "So what are you suggesting?" she reads from her quarter-inch stack of flash-card-inscribed lines. "Why take over one company when we can take over two?" Lex asks. Yes. Why make trillions when you can make millions? She smiles evilly (or as evilly as her makeup and plasticity will allow), and says that their parents will probably kill them. Lex says that's what makes life interesting. They click little square crystal glasses in a toast to their own crapulence.

Metropolis. Grungy, smoky, inner-city slum. MeanCop and Clark get out of the MeanMobile. MeanCop explains that his biggest obstacle is The System. The System is holding this poor white man down, and it's up to Clark to steal some internal affairs documents to make life better for everyone. Clark is asked to break into the home of an internal affairs agent and steal some files the man took home with him. "I'm not going to hurt anyone!" Clark cries, and leaves the car. But then, he's talked into doing it anyway. MeanCop promises not to bother Clark again if he does this one thing. Clark says he doesn't believe him because Lex told him not to. MeanCop hints that Lex has his own dark secrets and past.

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