Episode Report Card
Omar G: A | 1 USERS: A+
Supermen: Two for the Price Of One

Torch offices. Chloe is holding an old Time magazine "Man of the Year" issue. Christopher Reeve! It's a photo from when he was hella young, and the caption is, "Dr. Virgil Swann." Chloe says that Clark is being stalked by a legend. She says he was a high-tech Howard Hughes thirty years before. He graduated M.I.T. at age nineteen, applied physics, blah blah blah geniuscakes. Chloe says he founded a company that, in the 1970s, was the largest producer of satellites. Chloe says he has so much hardware in space, Scientific American dubbed him "The Man of Tomorrow." Yesterday. So, I guess that means today. Clark reads a quote about how through communication we'll live in peace. Yeah, the internet sure solved that Arab/Israeli problem. Chloe says he disappeared, pulled a J.D. Salinger, and gave his money to charitable foundations. Then he devoted himself to finding aliens in space. Clark asks about the address on the card. Chloe says it's the address of the New York Planetarium. "What better place to look for little green men?" Chloe asks. "Why is this guy so interested in you, Clark?" Chloe asks. I think a little website called "" should explain that. "He's not interested in me," Clark says. Wear it proud and loud, boy! Let them get used to it! "He's interested in my...barn." Every night I pray for dialogue like this. Chloe says the guy hasn't made a phone call in thirteen years, and now he wants to be Clark's best friend? Take a number. Clark is aw shucks about it. Chloe says the guy must think that symbol must be pretty important. Clark says it's just a hoax. Chloe says one of the most brilliant men in the world (not Clark) believes differently, and Clark should find out why.

Hospital. Lex, standing over Snideface's bed (Snideface has no family of his own?) asks a doctor who isn't his girlfriend about the professor's condition. The doctor says no, and that whatever it was overstimulated the guy's cerebral cortex. An orgasm? It caused a massive seizure. Snideface is now Slackface, and he stares up, blindly. Lex asks if it was information overload. "In layman's terms, yes," the doctor says. Ugh. I hate when people say that. The doctor says it's doubtful Snideface will ever wake up again. But I wasn't through abusing him! The doctor leaves Lex to stare into those blind eyes. Lex says, "Don't worry, doctor. One day you'll share your secrets with me." Creepy!

Lana's room at Chloe's house. Ugh! It's so pink and purple! My eyes! Chloe sees Lana packing up her stuff. Where's she going? To the imaginary little girl Holiday Inn? Chloe says that if she's running away, she should pack lighter. Lana says this isn't her home, as great as Chloe and her dad have been. Lana says this wasn't such a great idea. Yeah, next time keep your hands off people's files, girlie! Somehow, the planet warped and screwed things enough so that Chloe says the following, "If this is about the computer thing, I'm sorry." For what, Chloe? For catching Lana sneaking in your shit? For being humiliated by her every week by this personality-challenged twit? What on Earth or Krypton could you possibly have to apologize for? Could somebody loan Chloe some semblance of a spine? Fine, maybe I shouldn't have said that during the Christopher Reeve episode, but DAMN! Chloe says she overreacted. Huh?! Chloe says that when it comes to her feelings and Clark, she's never very rational. Lana says she can't help the way Clark feels about her. My is wanting to throw up. Chloe actually commiserates with that. Sick! Sick! Lana acts like it's this huge burden. Chloe says that before Lana goes, she wants to show her something. It's her family tree. Under "Sister," it says "Lana Lang." Lana is touched. Chloe says she decided her family wasn't about people who don't love her. It's about people who do love her, no matter what: her friends. But Lana doesn't love you! Yegads, woman! Oh. Man. Next scene, please.

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