Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: D+ | Grade It Now!
Rube Goldberg's Deus Ex Machina

Out on the streets somewhere, a woman is being brutally attacked in her car by a guy in a surgical mask. An unseen Clark bursts through the back window, grabs the guy, and hurls him out of the car. Then, because this poor woman's car just wasn't ruined enough, Clark slams him into the roof, crushing it like a soda can. The woman gets out, looking around in shock, probably already dreading what this will do to her insurance premiums. Clark whooshes back home with a bowl of popcorn and Lois is none the wiser. He sits beside her and she snatches the popcorn from him. "See? We're already having fun," she beams at him. Clark looks like he's waiting for a colonoscopy. His leg jiggles with nervous energy. Lois looks pointedly at him and he stills his leg with a sheepish smile. They watch the movie in silence.

Meanwhile, back at Oliver's Tiny Box of Doom, he's still pounding on the walls and shouting for help. You know, for a guy who supposedly wants to die, he sure is putting up a lot of fight. I guess dying in a little obscure box doesn't have the same panache as dying in an exploding nightclub. Oliver beats on the ceiling of his wooden prison until he notices a little latch on one side. He pokes at it, but can't quite get hold of it. He looks at the flashlight still in his hand and gets a flash (ha!) of inspiration. He pries off the little split ring that's on one end of the shaft and fashions it into a pick. With his new little tool, he's able to push in the latch and force open what is now revealed to be the top of a simple wooden coffin. Oliver sits up with a grunt. He's wearing a new white suit. He stares at the coffin, catching his breath, and says, "That's the last time I trust a woman with a dragon tattoo." How about just not taking pills from strangers, idiot? A few moments go by and he hears the muffled sounds of a man shouting and banging on wood. It becomes apparent Oliver's in--what else--some kind of warehouse. He follows the sounds of the unknown man's struggles to a second coffin. He brushes some dust off a nameplate affixed to the door; it bears Lex's name. Oliver recoils a bit, but as the frantic screams and knocking continue, he kneels down to open the coffin. He breaks off the lock and throws open the door, revealing only a pair of speakers. A man's voice laughs. Oliver: "You gotta be kidding me." I thought the same thing. "It's a hell of a game you're playing, Winslow!" Oliver shouts into the empty warehouse. The man's voice informs him that the Toyman is not responsible for this. Oliver wants the game to end. "Just say the safeword, and the game will stop," says the voice. Oliver's like, "I didn't get a safeword!" The voice chastises him for not asking for a safeword and for not caring enough to ask for the rules of the game. I think he's saying you shouldn't have taken the pill without asking more about it, idiot. Also, I've just added "safeword" to my MS Word dictionary. I'm sure my modified dictionary makes me look like the nerdiest perv in the world. And now I've added "nerdiest perv" to the dictionary, because I have a feeling I'll need those words again some day. Oliver demands to know who's behind this. The voice taunts him: "I'll give you a hint. Tell me, Mr. Queen, who did you destroy?" Oliver thinks about it for a while and says he's ruined a lot of lives. The voice decides to keep it simple: "Have you had your rabies shot?" Before Oliver can get lost in confusion, a large black dog breaks through a glass window and charges him. Oliver jumps through the broken window and runs. The dog barks and growls, hot on his heels. Oliver jumps into an old car, slamming the door shut behind him. The dog jumps and snarls at the window but then inexplicably backs off. A second later, Oliver notices the same thing the dog must have: a truck is speeding toward him. Oliver frantically tries to get out, but the door is stuck. He shoves at the door. It doesn't budge. He looks up to see the truck's headlights bearing down on him. The truck smashes into the car with Oliver inside.

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