Smallville
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Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
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A Flashy Guy

Lair of Lex. The Shrek scroll has been encased in some neon-lit glass case. Ah yes, just the way kings of yore used to do. Lex is telling Clark he got the piece from a private collector in St. Petersburg after some vodka and a small fortune pried it out of the dude's hands. "It's very nice," Clark says, as if they were buying their first futon together. Lex asks Clark to take a closer look at the border design. Seriously, this is just like gay antiquing. Along the border of the scroll are symbols that Lex says are similar to the ones in the Caves of Contrivance. Lex says that no one's spent more time down there than Clark. We're still talking about the caves, right? Lex asks if Clark knows what the symbols mean. "No," says Clark a little too quickly. He says he thought Lex wasn't into this stuff anymore. Lex says he's interested, he's just not obsessed. Lex says he's not keeping this from Clark and he'd like it if "You and I could work on this mystery together." "I'd like that," Clark says, smiling. Mmm, Clark likey. Clark asks what he's looking at in the case. Lex says it's the last surviving page of a fourteenth-century manuscript. Some dude triumphed over some other dude at some battle in some country we've all forgotten about. Like Gaul or Sasquatchia or Luxembourg. Lex says that legend has it this was the only object lining Rasputin's walls as he studied at a monastery. This was before Pink Floyd posters. Clark does his X-ray vision on the piece. There seems to be a map embedded in the page. It's a map pointing directly to where you should lick on Lex's bald head. Lex says that Rasputin believed a hidden map in the page would lead to lots of power. Lex says that Rasputin stared at it for a long time, trying to unlock its secrets. Clark says that's amazing, and tries to touch it. Lex tells Clark not to; he's got some security installed to keep it safe. He's only displaying it in this very gaudy way for no real good reason before it goes to the vault at LuthorCorp. Lex's digital watch beeps. Would Lex really be wearing a watch with an alarm on it? That doesn't seem like a very sleek way of doing business. Shouldn't he be sporting a Blackberry with an "It's Rainin' Men!" ringtone? Lex says he has an appointment. He asks Clark to "swing by tomorrow." Get that dick swingin', Clark. "We'll roll up our sleeves," Lex says. I refuse to make commentary on things that are already so gay on the textual level when talking about any subtext would be so redundant. Clark takes the hint and starts to leave the room. Long close-up of the scroll.

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Smallville

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