Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
Kids These Days

Funky blue cave drawing. Amid trash and rave lights, Clark starts picking up refuse. A flashlight shines on him. It's Lex! It's not like Lex to shine a long, shiny beam of brilliance at Clark. At least, not lately. "Lex. I didn't see you," Clark says. But did you feel him? Lex says not to bother with the trash. He's sending in a maintenance crew. "Looks like it was quite a bash," Lex says. Who, besides Tenacious D in one of their songs, still says "bash"? Is he sad he didn't get invited? Clark says that Pete tried to break it up. Lex says he's sure it was a noble effort, but not many teenagers are interested in 500-year-old cave paintings. Looking up at the paintings, Lex asks about Clark's interest in the caves. Clark asks what he means. Lex says that when he fired the security guard that morning, he asked who else the guy had let in the caves; Clark had been there almost every morning. Clark's a cave dweller. Lex gives Clark a long look. "You wouldn't be keeping secrets from me, would you, Clark?" Clark says Kyla died protecting the caves, and that he's doing a term paper on the drawings. It's called, "Oh, Behave! How to Save the Cave from a Rave." Lex looks down at Clark's backpack, but more importantly at Clark's ass. Oh yes. Juicy. Lex puts his hand deep into Clark's fold (the backpack fold) and pulls out a book. Deciphering the Mysteries of Hieroglyphics By Dr. Friedrich Walden. "Friedrich" is a very popular name on this show. "Sounds like a real page-turner," Lex says. Well, you read dusty-ass history books. Clark asks why Lex started the preservation project. "It's not like there's big business in caves," Clark says. Lex is planning to open a Wal-Mart there. To preserve roll-back prices and blue vests. "I like a good mystery," Lex says, "and this one promises to be fascinating." He asks if Clark agrees. Clark dodges the question and says he'd better get going. Lex says he told the new security guy that nobody may come down into the caves without Lex's permission. "Nobody except for Clark Kent, of course," Lex says. It's their secret hideaway now. Clark exits, leaving Lex to point his flashlight at something else.

Talon. Lana is arranging some flowers in a tiny vase. Chloe walks up. She says she didn't hear Lana leave that morning. Lana says she had to be at The Talon first thing. Chloe says that if she didn't know any better, she'd say Lana was avoiding her. Based on leaving early just one morning? Single White Female much, Chloe? Lana says that's just how she copes. She keeps working on the flowers compulsively. Chloe says she doesn't want to be one of those annoying girls who says she's there to talk if you need her, but...she is. Lana says she appreciates it and then backs away, rear-electric-sliding toward the kitchen entrance. Chloe desperately says that if Lana wants to go do some serious shopping, they can go to Metropolis the next day. Chloe says that her dad is willing to join the conspiracy and get them out of school early. As she gathers stuff, Lana says that would be great, but she already has plans. Chloe asks what kind of plans. Lana says that Clark asked her out on a date. Chloe looks worried. She says she thought Lana and Clark had given up on "the mating dance." Ew. "Yeah, yeah, me too," Lana says. She just wants out of this conversation. "But you still said yes," Chloe presses. Hey, Lana didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition! ("Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is green meteorite, green meteorite and cheese, cheese and meteorite, our two chief weapons...look, I'll come in again.") Lana begins to say that if this is weird for Chloe... Chloe says her feelings for Clark are so ancient, they're... She struggles to finish the bon mot: "They're fossilized," Chloe concludes. Chloe laughs a little and then says, "Seriously, you should go for it." Lana asks if Chloe's sure. "Lana, does it really matter what I think?" Chloe asks. So. Manipulative. Chloe says if she were in Lana's position, she'd do the same thing. "Don't let me be your excuse," Chloe says. And it's kind of a mean thing to say, giving Lana a generous portion of Truth, but Lana more than deserves it. Lana smiles sadly and says she's glad they cleared the air. From where I sit, it looks they just let loose some toxic chemicals into the air. Chloe says she'll see Lana later that night, and leaves.

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