Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
Kids These Days

Back inside the caves, Clark and Chloe are looking for answers. Chloe asks if Pete ever got to the hospital or if he's as "needle-phobic" as Clark is. Clark says that Pete hasn't been around, and that even his parents don't know where to find him. Chloe asks what they're looking for in the caves. Clark says that a reporter friend of his always told him to explore all options. Chloe smiles sweetly at the shout-out. They start looking around for clues. Chloe takes a digital snap of one of the cave drawings. She notices a crevice and sticks her hand in. Ooh, bad idea. She comes away with some sticky green stuff on her hand. She looks deep into the crevice and we hear, "Hey!" It's Snideface. He tells Chloe the cave is off-limits. "Why don't you find somewhere else to make out?" he asks. Snidely. Chloe winces. Snideface asks if she's all right. Her expression changes to dark and dangerous. Chloe takes off her jacket and says that, as for his snide remark, people haven't made out down there since the 20th century. "Now back off," she says and physically makes him do so. Clark comes around a corner and recognizes his favorite linguist. "Aaaay!" he says, all Fonzie, and identifies the guy. "You wrote that book!" Clark says. "I've written many books," Snideface says, in the most condescending way possible. "Did Lex Luthor hire you?" Clark asks. Speak of the sexy devil. Lex walks in and says that, thanks to Clark, he did. Lex says he wants Snideface to translate the pictographs for the preservation effort. Snideface says that no guided tours are allowed. Lex tells Snideface that these are friends of his, and that he didn't realize the guy had accepted his offer. Snideface has, but they do things on his terms. First term: All jocks and bullies must be hazed by the nerd fraternity in memory of Travis/Trevor. Snideface doesn't allow anyone but his crew on a work site. And, of course, pictograph groupies. Clark says he's the one who found the caves. Snideface says he doesn't care if Clark discovered the Shroud of Turin. Heh. He says that if Lex is unhappy with his method, he can take the first flight to Chile. Those bacon potato skins are beckoning. Lex takes a moment, then says, "I'm sorry, Clark." Clark whines, "Lex, you can't do this!" Lex says that they have to respect the way the guy works. Clark is crestfallen. "Hey, you get down from there!" Snideface calls out. He's talking to Chloe, who is on an upper level, next to a cave drawing. Clark calls her down, too. Chloe swings provocatively on the rock and shimmies down, smiling. Snideface asks why she's smiling and asks for her photos. "Take your own," she says. I'm liking Cool Chloe. He asks for clarification. "You're the cunning linguist," she says. "Why don't you translate this? Kiss. My. Ass." Best. Line. Ever. Snideface is stunned. He's not used to dealing with icky girls who aren't his students and aren't cowed by his aggressive intellect. Clark and Chloe leave. Lex seems amused.

At the Barnness of Impending Baditude, Clark throws his jacket and starts skimming through some CDs. He must be trying to compile the upcoming show soundtrack. Pete suddenly pops in. He's mad that the Kents called his folks. Clark tells him to calm down, but Pete mocks him. Mean Pete. Clark says he's trying to help. Pete says for a guy who values his privacy, Clark really likes to stick his nose in people's business. Clark does an x-ray vision of Pete's chest and sees a slug-looking little parasite running around his insides. Pete looks down and touches his chest. "You x-rayin' me?" he asks. Clark panics and says Pete has to come with him. "Try and touch me, you freak!" Pete yells. He says that because Clark has all those powers, he always gets his way. Have you been watching the show, Pete? Clark almost never gets his way. And he pouts about it. A lot. Pete says he knows Clark's weakness. He pulls out a small box with some green meteor rock. He flashes it at Clark. Clark buckles and falls to the ground. "Feels gooooood, doesn't it?" EvilPete gloats. Clark writhes and moans. Pete closes the box and runs off. Clark tells him to come back. Pete does, but only to yell, "I'm serious! Come near me again and I'll start selling tickets to your storm cellar!" He flashes the green rock again. Ow. Pete runs away for real this time.

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