Episode Report Card
Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
Boy Story

Ethan is about to cave like the wild non-blooming African Night Flower what only blooms in deep, dark caverns in times when there's no moonlight, when a car pulls up, honking. It's Lex in a sporty little convertible. I wonder if he ever wishes he had hair to blow in the wind when he drives it. Lex, wearing little purple J.Lo sunglasses, tells Ethan that before he does anything, he should take a look at some papers. It's a temporary restraining order giving the Kents custody. Evil Doc says he'll have Clark arrested. Lex says he has a countersuit ready to be filed. Wait, what? In civil court? Against a criminal charge? What the fuck ever, Lex. Lex says the DA is interested in looking into the research lab's practices. That's not a countersuit, Lex. Clark nevertheless looks at his knight in shining black convertible paint as his absolute hero and gives Lex a grateful, smoldering Gayest Look of the Episode. Lex returns a sideways glance and turns back to the Doc: "It's your move." Somewhere, Jason Bateman's ears just perked up. "This isn't over," Evil Doc hisses. He says Clark's rich friend saved him today. Then Evil Doc calls Ethan over like Ethan is his prison bitch and they're off. Ethan needs some Man Love.

The Talon. You can barely read it, but the marquee says, "SILENT FILM FESTIVAL." I wish Lana were a silent festival. Clark and Luka step into the coffee shop. It's all dark. A light is flicked on. "Surprise!" everyone yells. What on earth is Chloe wearing? A kilt over pants? A ton more people than could ever have met Luka are there to celebrate. A banner (I think Smallville's biggest export is hand-painted banners, not corn) welcomes Luka back. Chloe says it's Luka's jailbreak party. She says they have the obligatory pistachio log ice cream cake. Huh? She says they also managed to rustle up a band. Oh. God. No. Luke says this is cool. "Good to see ya, man," Pete says. Your paycheck is in the mail, friend. Lana says she's so glad Luka's back. She gives him a kiss on the cheek. Pink! Luka says, "Wow." He must have felt her upper lip move on his cheek and now he's amazed. Clark gives Luka a weird, grinning, almost lecherous look like, "Yeah? Yeah? You like? Heh heh!" As people walk away to start the par-tay, Clark says, "You knew about this the whole time, didn't you?" Luka says he knew half a block away. He says he was tempted to ruin the surprise because he hates pistachio. Cute kid. Get with dying of cancer already. He says it was definitely worth the kiss. When the time comes, I'm going to blame Lana's lipstick for his tumor.

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