Episode Report Card
Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
Boy Story

Strummy alt-crap rock. Okay, first off, the singer is strumming his guitar and bopping like he's Tiny fucking Tim or something, and he's wearing a pink long-sleeved shirt and Chloe's medallion. The guitarist is just Shaggy. Yep, having the alt-crap live doesn't make it sound any better. Chloe is sitting right up front and seems to be the only person enjoying it. Pete goes over to check on his buds. Luka thanks Pete. Pete's mom had co-signed the restraining order with the judge from Metropolis. You need to co-sign a restraining order? Do you have to buy a house with that? Pete says, "Imagine getting a phone call from Lex Luthor at 5 in the morning." Usually all he has to do is nudge Clark on the shoulder in bed. Luka looks worried. When Pete walks off, he tells Clark that Pete knows his secret. Clark says he told Pete and it's fine. Luka says Pete's all stressed about it. He's worried that Clark will slip someday and tell someone and will end up a lab rat just like Luka. Lana brings over some log cake, whatever the hell that's about. Luka gets a headache. Lana goes to get him a glass of water. "Clark," Luka says dreamily, "Lana's moving to Metropolis." This Kreskin shit is getting old, fast. Clark looks over at Lana and now the strummy music has finally got him sad.

Strange transition to the Barnness of Clarkitude as the same song is playing, but now Clark is listening to it as he reads a book, Understanding the Brain. I was hoping for Brains for Dummies. Lana walks up to the loft. She asks if everything is okay. Clark thanks her for the party. He says he's sorry they left early since Luka didn't feel well. Clark says they're taking Luka to the doctor to see what was done to him at "that place." Lana says he's safe now thanks to Clark. Clark says he's a good kid, but life's always kicking him in the teeth. Life's not the only one who wants to. Clark asks how Lana's doing and says she seems preoccupied. He says he knows things aren't as solid between them (ya think?), but he's still there if Lana has something to talk about. I don't know if I like this whole using-psychic-powers- for-romantic-ends business. Lana tells Clark about the Metropolis move. "How do you feel about that?" Clark asks, using shrink lingo. Lana asks how Clark would feel being uprooted like that. He says it would be tough. Yawn. Lana says she feels like a piece of luggage in the trunk of Nell and her man's new life. She could be L.L. Bean luggage. Clark asks if Lana has told Potential Dad, Henry Small, about this. She says she's not ready to dump this in his lap. Everything else, yes. But not this. She says that just because they might share DNA, that doesn't mean they're family. Clark says Lana can come and stay with the Kents, even though it's a little crowded. Lana nods and smiles. She says Luka's lucky. No, he's Luka. She says he got to choose his family. Man, can we say ungrateful? Nell wants to get married and be happy, so you don't want her as family anymore? Lana leaves with her lip gloss self. "Don't go," Clark says as she's walking down the stairs. Lana stops. He asks her not to go to Metropolis. "Or what? You're going to kidnap me, too?" she jokes. Well, he has already stalked her. Clark says that Nell can't dictate her life and if she doesn't want to go, she shouldn't have to. Lana does a little half nod and leaves for real this time.

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