Shanghai! Oriental setting. And the city don't know about the Lex that it's getting. The crème de la crème of the HoYay! world, in a show with everything and Yul Brynner's bald head. Jason and Lex are still walking around the streets. Lex tells Jason that Papa Luthor can't be trusted. Is there anybody in the world on this show that doesn't already know this? Jason tells Lex that he's not working for Papa, nor anyone else. Lex asks why the stones are important to Jason. Jason says that Lana won't be safe until they're found. "Safe from what?" Lex asks. Jason: "From my mom. From Lionel, from you? I don't know -- you tell me, Lex." Lex looks over and sees some tiny thugs. He says that unless Jason hired his own Chinese security, they've hit a snag. Just then, a dude walks by wearing a SARS mask. "Run!" Lex says. Run from the SARS! The tiny Chinese guards in their wee uniforms pull out their guns and give chase. They yell out bullshit garbled foreign words: "Hacthau! Bromide! Whatchaka!" Lex and Jason run, right in plain sight in the center of the street. The guards stop and start shooting, right into the crowded marketplace. Exactly one lady screams. Jason and Lex keep running, but hit a dead end. A Hummer with a searchlight on it finds them. The guards surround them, with their maddening non-Cantonese, non-Mandarin language. "Hope ti fwou!" "Hack 'n the hock!" "Blaaaarrrrghhh!" Lex wonders, "Where is my garble-to-English handbook?"

Commercials. The WB shows scenes from later in the show with the tag, "Smallville will continue." Yes, but for how long?

Man of the House. Yep, that's the University of Texas at Austin up in there. The movie was originally going to be called Cheer Up!. There's also a truth.com commercial in the form of a mock sitcom that is so stultifyingly lame that is hurts my spleen.