Episode Report Card
Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
House Of Flying Bullshit

Clark in the temple. Still moaning. "Lori's back!" something on my screen says. Who the fuck is Lori? "Jesse's back!" Who the fuck is Jesse? Oh. Summerland. Great. People I don't care about. Guards rush in to grab Clark. They unwisely take Clark outside the main chamber. With his strength back, Clark throws the guys thirty feet in opposite directions. "Kajagoogoo!" they yell, in perfect Mandarin. The camera spins around Clark.

Still in the cell with Jason and Lex, Mulana dons her Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. It's snazzy. Lex yells, "Clark!," which he just does randomly every day, but this time Clark is running up behind Lana and she fireballs him right in the chest. He goes flying into some boxes. Clark is unconscious. "You put up a better fight last time," Mulana tells him.

The scene we all dreaded from the previews. Mulana, in her exaggerated dreamcoat walks down the long ornate corridor as the camera worships her every high school drama production step. She's not exactly a witchy walker, is she?

Shot of Clark lying in the cell. We go to commercials.

Smallville seeeecrets. I have one: Lex's pants smell like daisies. China? Seriously? What's the most likely explanation for this episode? They had a bunch of money in the budget for "kung fu wire fighting" that was never used Chinese extras who don't speak Mandarin or Cantonese are hella cheap! The location scout thought they'd be shooting in Temple, Texas To keep the rich Superman mythology going (snicker) The planets aligned for TPTB; there was a sex tour the same week as shooting

Back at the jail cell wing of the temple, Clark wakes up. He looks a little double-chinned there. Which I guess he was, earlier. He gets up, grabs some metal cutters conveniently placed near the torture victims, and cuts Lex and Jason loose. "Clark, what are you doing here?" Lex asks before Clark cuts the chain and sends him falling to the ground. Clark says he could ask Lex the same question. But Lex asked first. Jason starts to get mad at Clark for putting Lana in the middle of this. "She's here because you lied to her!" Clark snaps at him. Pissy pissy! Lex says that Lana can handle herself right now. Jason says there's no telling what'll happen if the Countess gets her hands on the stones. Lex asks Clark if there's anything he knows that they don't. He knows how to rock the farmboy look.

"I think I found something," Clark tells Jason and Lex. Oh, put a shirt on, Jason. Clark shows Jason and Lex the red tunic and crappy mask he found earlier. He stands a safe distance back. Lex asks how Clark just stumbled on this. "What do you want me to say, Lex?" Clark asks, angrily. Uh, the truth, maybe, dumb-ass? Clark says it's obviously been here a long time. Lex and Jason both look to Clark, who's still a mile away. "Don't you want to come look at this?" Lex asks. It's fine fabric! This would make excellent bedsheets, Clark! Come look, hon! Clark just stands there giving the Radio Shack goggles the stink-eye. Jason asks Clark if he can see the map. Clark hesitates. "Let me see it," Jason says. Clark reluctantly hands it over. Jason stands over by the mannequin. He says, "This isn't a map to the temple. It's a drawing of the temple through the tree." Oh, for fuck's sake. Lex complains that since the temple is in the background, the stone could be anywhere. "What if it's not in the background?" Clark asks. Clark says the artist would have been standing right where Jason and Lex are. "What if it's located at the base of the tree?" Clark asks. I have no idea what the hell he's talking about. Nor do I care.

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