Episode Report Card
Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
House Of Flying Bullshit

More spinning, dodging, swinging. Mulana does a leg sweep that does look totally fake and slow in how it knocks down Clark. She swings again at Clark as he lies on the ground. The swords clash. Clark kicks her away. She flies and stops herself in mid-air, landing smoothly. They face down. She twirls straight up in the air. Is she trying to escape? In Bullet Time, Clark superzips, jumps up, rips her pocket open and lets the stone fall out. It clatters on the ground. Mulana spins one more time, looking angry. Clark superzips to grab the stone, but Mulana somehow already got back to the ground and grabs his arm. There's purple light. They're both thrown in opposing directions. Mulana is back to being Lana. "How did we get away from the guards?" she asks Jason, who suddenly just appeared by her side. Clark comes over hesitantly. He sighs. "It was Isabelle," he says. "What'd I do?" Lana asks. Nobody answers. Lex comes in, his shirt all undone and bleeding. You're welcome, Lex fans. "Did you find the stone?" he asks. No, but we found your chest and it's awesome. Clark finds the red cloth on the ground, but no stone. "It's gone," he says. X-ray vision, motherfucker! X-ray vision! Everybody looks all "oh shit" at each other. Dramatic music. We go to commercials. Wait, x-ray vision! Come on! What the fuck!?

Commercials. Really this time. I'll tell you when there's a really good reason to buy a Nintendo DS. So far I haven't seen one.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch. Literally. Kent Farm. In the barn, Clark is writing his soon-to-be-classic essay, "Why I Want To Go To Central State." If I were the admissions officer at Central State, that's about as far as I'd read. Clark has that title, but that the rest of his word-processor screen is blank. He's pretty stumped. Lana appears suddenly, now making it all right that Clark snuck into her apartment before. She tells him it's hard to take college applications seriously after what they've just been through. Clark jokes that he was trying to figure out whether hidden temples and body-snatching witches fell under community service or extracurriculars. Lana says he seemed startled when she walked in. Walked in? You magically appeared like a creature from The Ring 2. Clark says he thought it was his parents. He's been avoiding them since his unauthorized trip to China. Lana sees through his bullshit. "And the real reason would be?" She strides over with her hands in her pockets. If Lana were like this all the time -- confident, a little cocky, calling people on their shit to their face -- we'd probably like her a whole lot more. It's going to take a lot of this to make up for the last three and a half years of whiny petulance, though. Clark confesses that Lana's speaking Latin and throwing guys around like toothpicks was kind of weird. Hey, at least she can speak Latin. You throw guys around like that every week. Clark says that even when the witch is gone, he still sees in Lana parts he doesn't recognize anymore. Lana starts to laugh. She says that sounds funny coming from Clark. He smiles. She says the only way she's going to put the witch and everything else behind her is to find all three of the stones. "I'm sure they'll end up in the right hands," Clark says. Lana hopes so. She says she feels like part of a puzzle she'll never understand. "Maybe we're not supposed to understand it just yet," Clark says. Most out-of-place dialogue ever. Who says things like that? Only those bucking for a Season 5. Lana nods as if that makes some sense. Clark says he thinks their lives are a lot less random than they think. "Maybe," Lana sorta agrees. She tells him goodnight and exits. Clark thinks a bit. His computer dings. He goes over to see what's up. He has mail! It's from Dr. Virgil Swann. Deathmail! From beyond!

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