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Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
House Of Flying Bullshit

Papa Luthor goes to retrieve something from a shelf. He explains that Isabelle's arch-rival was a duchess named Gertrude. Ew, Gertrude. He opens a little wooden box as he tells Lana that Gertrude was obsessed with finding three stones. He says she sent agents all over the world, but only ever found a map of a place in China. Lana asks what the map has to do with Isabelle. Papa Luthor says that the map never made it back to the duchess. Isabelle hid the thing, so the duchess had "the exquisite young sorceress" executed. Did he just call her "exquisite"? Oh, Mylanta. Papa Luthor says that Isabelle is still looking for the stones, working through Lana, who is a vessel. If by that you mean she's empty, then I think we can agree. Papa Luthor says he gave a copy of the map to Jason. He also put flyers all over campus. Best Chinese keg party ever! Papa Luthor asks Lana if she knows that Jason is a direct descendent (nice they got it right this week) of Gertrude. No, but all of us knew. Come on, show, get us out of here already! Lana stares at the map. She wants to cry, but doesn't know how.

The Barnness of Mournitude. Clark is looking even mopier than usual, sitting on a couch up in the loft and reading the cover of a magazine. He's been reading that cover for about thirty minutes and he's still on the line with the week it was published. Clark walks across the loft to lay the magazine down. It's the Time "Man of the Year" cover showing a young, hale Dr. Virgil Swann. Next to where Clark lays the magazine are cave symbol photos. Clark stares at a photo of the symbol of the shaft and two balls ("I must make sense of this shaft and two balls!") identical to the tattoo on Lana's back.

We cut to said tattoo as Lana leans over. She's packing a suitcase in her apartment. Clark suddenly appears, asking, "Going somewhere?" I really wish Lana had screamed and gone, "AAAGGGHHH! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" She doesn't seem the least bit scared that her ex-boyfriend just appears out of nowhere as she's putting underwear in her bag for her trip. She does look a little annoyed, though. "China," she answers. Clark asks if she's serious, wondering if she's Chinese all of a sudden. She says she's serious as well as freaked out and mad about everything. He asks what's going on. Lana asks what part: the tattoo on her back, the witch she's harboring, or the part where Jason and Lex took off with a treasure map behind her back. It's always about Lana's back, isn't it? Lana, really building up some steam here, says that she and Jason were supposed to figure this out together, but that he has a limited grasp of the word "we." Maybe he thought you were speaking broken French. Oui oui! Clark, for no good reason, wonders whether Jason has a good explanation for being dishonest. He asks if Jason doesn't deserve a chance to explain. Well, he's not answering his cell phone, really. I hate to take Lana's side, but every time she's confronted him with the truth, he's run off and broken up with her. Lana says she's not going to let Jason lie to her, even for a good reason. So instead of just cutting him out of her life, she's flying to China. Good call. Lana says that Papa Luthor made her arrangements to fly there on the LuthorCorp jet (the one Lex flew out there? Wouldn't it still be in China?), and that she knows Papa Luthor can't be trusted. She says she was given the name of a professor who might be able to help. Professor Mario and his teaching assistant, Luigi. "Well, then, I'm going with you," Clark says, out of nowhere. Clark will totally blend right in. Lana tells Clark she's not going to drag him into this. "I'm not letting you go alone," Clark says. That's kinda creepy, dude.

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