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Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
House Of Flying Bullshit

Shanghai! Oriental setting. And the city don't know about the Lex that it's getting. The crème de la crème of the HoYay! world, in a show with everything and Yul Brynner's bald head. Jason and Lex are still walking around the streets. Lex tells Jason that Papa Luthor can't be trusted. Is there anybody in the world on this show that doesn't already know this? Jason tells Lex that he's not working for Papa, nor anyone else. Lex asks why the stones are important to Jason. Jason says that Lana won't be safe until they're found. "Safe from what?" Lex asks. Jason: "From my mom. From Lionel, from you? I don't know -- you tell me, Lex." Lex looks over and sees some tiny thugs. He says that unless Jason hired his own Chinese security, they've hit a snag. Just then, a dude walks by wearing a SARS mask. "Run!" Lex says. Run from the SARS! The tiny Chinese guards in their wee uniforms pull out their guns and give chase. They yell out bullshit garbled foreign words: "Hacthau! Bromide! Whatchaka!" Lex and Jason run, right in plain sight in the center of the street. The guards stop and start shooting, right into the crowded marketplace. Exactly one lady screams. Jason and Lex keep running, but hit a dead end. A Hummer with a searchlight on it finds them. The guards surround them, with their maddening non-Cantonese, non-Mandarin language. "Hope ti fwou!" "Hack 'n the hock!" "Blaaaarrrrghhh!" Lex wonders, "Where is my garble-to-English handbook?"

Commercials. The WB shows scenes from later in the show with the tag, "Smallville will continue." Yes, but for how long?

Man of the House. Yep, that's the University of Texas at Austin up in there. The movie was originally going to be called Cheer Up!. There's also a commercial in the form of a mock sitcom that is so stultifyingly lame that is hurts my spleen.

Aboard the Good Jet Lolli-Lex. Lana and Clark are studying what look like fresh sketches of the map and a Chinese temple. The temple has a symbol on the front: the Superman-crest-looking "8." Clark asks how Papa Luthor knew Lana was connected to the symbols. Lana says there are two answers to that: and they're both three time zones away. She's been kinda feisty this week! Clark, looking like Big Dumb American in his plaid shirt and bright red jacket, is told by Lana that he's the only person in her life without an agenda. Clark, who was just checking items off his mental agenda, licks his lips. He sighs. Clark says he's sure that, whatever's going on, Lex and Jason still care about her. She's annoyed that everyone seems to know more about her than she does. Certainly more than we do. Clark projects that it's scary when someone has a plan for you and you don't know what it is yet. Lana says that ever since she got the tattoo, she feels like she's been carrying a huge secret. A huge, visible secret. Lana says that there's something inside of her that's more powerful than what's on the surface. It's a space cockroach named Lenny who vowed to help her take over the show. So far, it's working out pretty well for Lenny. Clark projects again -- this time that people would see her differently if they knew. "How could they not?" Lana asks. Wouldn't this be a good time for Clark to reveal his secret, given that they're both in the Freak Population now? Lana asks what Clark's parents said about his coming to China. Clark didn't tell them. He left a message. Doofus. Lana, rubbing behind her ear, tells Clark it's funny that she ended up trusting Papa Luthor and Clark. Not ha-ha funny. More like, "Things that make you go...'blaaarrghh.'" Extreme close-ups. Lana almost succeeds in not looking directly at the camera.

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